Part-time Doms don’t get Full-time submission.

Sometimes I come across something that catches my eye, and what I am going to share turned up on my friends list on Fetlife.  I found the Writing of Master James to be right on.

While my way is not the only way I have touched on many things that most disagree with, when I use the word protocols people laugh, when I use the word consistency most laughed, when I use the word rules most laugh , and that is all good until the relationship fails.

You wake up one morning and now your Christian Fucking Grey like him not having a clue and your super Dom, or King Master you want the title you want to be adored and worshiped but you do not want the responsibility , not really caring what effects your having on someones feelings or emotions, or the lasting effects.

The part time Dom has a on and off switch , but I can promise you the Submissive does not have such a switch. So while you the Dominant are making your demands after a long absents your submissive is faking it just to please you which does not equal submission.

I have also talked about rules having a few in place, you can cause a overload if you pile on the almighty 128 Rules most follow when they have no clue.

I have also talked about how being a Dominant is not a 9 to 5 gig , it is a 24/7 365 gig.  You the part time submissive sitting at home at night watching TV or reading a book while picking up your phone to see if you have received a email or a text , and this can go on for days, weeks and even a month or so.

So looking over my friends feed on Fetlife this title caught my eye and I clicked and started reading. I emailed Master James to see if I could re-post here on my blog and he was more than happy to let me share….

Other controversies aside, what first garnered my modicum of notoriety on this site, was not my social commentary, my love of suits, my satirical humor, my rope, my photos, or my ideological battles with socialist reform zealots……

No, it was D/s. The fact that I audaciously identified as a Master, maintained multiple 24/7 D/s relationships, led a House, and focused my energy on boring stuff like protocol, rather than the fun stuff that looks great in photos and videos.

To this very day, this remains the staple diet of my inbox. Messages flow in, asking a mundane 34 year old stranger from the other side of the planet how to fix the problems in their D/s relationship.

Well, over the years, one issue continues to be a prevalently central element to the problems people face. And after a raft of recent messages from Doms where this issue became apparent. I decided it was time to address it specifically:

It’s the issue of perception. The perception of what a 24/7 D/s relationship is and what it takes. Or alternately, the issue of misconceptions as to what a 24/7 D/s relationship takes.

The majority of messages I get from Doms, start by highlighting issues in their dynamic. And then asking me for tips on training to fix it, and/or protocols to strengthen it. Whist completely missing the root of the problem.

So here’s my Uber-Dom pro tip……..
The secret to the root of 98% of problems in your D/s dynamic, that are caused by you, and stand in the way of you a achieving a functional 24/7 dynamic…..Are you ready for this?

Consistency!

That’s right folks. Consistency and the dedication required to sustain it.

You can research, read blogs, order books off Amazon, go to countless workshops, and write up the most intricate rules, protocols, and punishments. But all the best ‘how-to’ guides and training programs in the world won’t work, if you don’t have the commitment, the dedication, and most of all; the consistency to see them through.

And this is where 99% of D/s relationships fall apart.

Being on the D side of the slash in a 24/7 power exchange dynamic isn’t a part time job, a hobby, a passing interest, or a play thing…. It’s full time. And I don’t mean full-time in the sense of a full-time job. Those in which you do your 8 hours and you knock off and go home.
When we say 24/7, we actually mean 24/7. It isn’t just a catchy title. There are no knock-off times, overtime pay, weekends, sick days, public holidays, or annual leave.

You can’t expect to be a Dom when it’s convenient for you, and expect her to be a Sub when it’s convenient for you., and call it 24/7…. You will inevitable have different ideas of what and when constitutes convenient. You can’t expect to be able to only enforce your rules occasionally, but expect them to be followed all the time. Humans just don’t work that way bro.

You’re setting you both up for failure. But only one of you ends up getting the cane. And you get surprised that she resents you rather than thanks you???

The first step, is figuring out if you want to do this as described. Because any less and you’re not setting yourself up for success.

The second step, is only implementing rules or protocols you yourself are both willing and able to enforce ‘consistently’. When you pick these rules, make sure they are functional. And remember this golden rule: “Never set a rule, or give an order, that you aren’t 100% sure will be obeyed!” Otherwise, once again, you are not setting yourselves up for success.

With this in mind, it behoves you to start off keeping rules simple and minimal.

The third step, is to be her Dom. And you need to be that guy every minute of every day. When you go to sleep at night, when you wake up in the morning. When work is stressing you out and you just couldn’t be bothered. Even when she’s on shark week and she can’t stand you.

My final advice is, that if this isn’t for you. Then that’s cool. Enjoy having a part-time, fun, play based, D/s dynamic. They are great, and they are super fun. They have clearly defined start and stop times to signal when the game is in play. And they have the relevant rules that only apply whilst all parties are on the field of play.

These types of D/s dynamics are great for busy people in casual and short term relationships. They can also be positive, functional, and sustainable and can provide a strengthening element of escape, release, and connection in wonderful long term relationships.

But make your choice and stick to it. Nothing destroys an otherwise good relationship quite the way a half assed attempt at 24/7 power exchange does.

Because anyone looking to have someone approach life as full-time submissive. While they themselves are only going to rock up as a Dom on a part time-basis; can’t be surprised when the sub quits (or in my case ‘unionise’ and seek collective bargaining power).

If you want a full-time sub, then start by being a full-time Dom.

https://fetlife.com/users/1751801/posts/2818790

Thank you Master James for allowing me to share

The Master’s Creed

Author Unknown

I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am Master.

I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness. I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.

You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.

We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other and make each other complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine. We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.

You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust. Because I have opened my heart and soul to you. Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you have given me dominance over you.

What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman could give a man. You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift. I recognize it is your body and soul, your heart and mind. I dominate you only because you have allowed it. I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other woman, and all the treasures of the earth. What you give freely can not in reality be bought.

Vile

Sex And Submission

You take someone and mold them into one meeting all of your needs. Changing ones behavior to meet your needs , changing ones way of dressing to fit your needs, changing ones way of their thought process to fit your needs, teaching someone to fit your needs when it comes to service. Teaching someone how to please you sexually.

Teaching protocols which I am huge on , rules that are followed, protocols and rules that want to be followed, is the path you should want to take.

We all have different needs and wants , while the submissive or slave has needs, if the needs are met there are no wants. That should be your goal as a Dominant and a Master.

Every submissive is not a perfect fit, just as every slave is not a perfect fit, nor is every Dominant or Master , but the good news is there is a perfect fit for everyone , it just involves what many do not have and that is patience.

When entering the BDSM lifestyle not only a lot of thought should be giving , but a lot of care as well. In today’s world most relationships are formed via the internet. I do understand but again much more care needs to be giving. Behind a monitor we can be whom ever we want to be, our confidence level is much higher , we feel less vulnerable, almost powerless , we feel more in control of our emotions.. When meeting someone via internet the chances of it actually working is very slim , but it does and I have seen it work but for the most it does not. Meeting via internet everything is not fully disclosed , and it may not even be on purpose, but it is missed.

The downfall of most relationships are a lack of patience, even more so in out lifestyle, but the one key element that is looked over is having a clear definition of who and what you are. Having a clear definition of what your needs are , a clear definition of the type of relationship you need to survive on a daily basis.

You as a submissive may meet a Sadist but you are not a Masochist , he may be the nicest person you have ever met but you are not a fit and if you move forward the relationship is doomed even before you start.
You may be a submissive only in the bedroom , the Dominant you met on line may be looking for a Total power exchange , or TPE, again he is not the perfect fit.

Submissive meets Dominant online , maybe meet once then the submissive up and moves most of the time leaving most everything behind , only to find out she was no longer in Kansas.
The painting is no longer a painting it is a unfinished drawing that has been in the works for years, all of this because of that one word Patience.

When entering a relationship it has to be adventitious for both not just one , it has to benefit both not just one, both have to have their needs met not just one. Again you need to have a clear definition of who and what you are.

Although it is a give and take relationship , and that being true in any relationship , I believe it runs much deeper in a D’s or M’s lifestyle. The care is much different and in most cases the communication is not only much different but much more deep.

Many times a Dominant or Master will say I want to train you , but soon after entering the relationship that one word is forgotten, and no training ever takes place but it slips your mind as well because you do not have that clear definition.

A good friend of mine Lizzy emailed me a couple of weeks ago , because she wanted me to speak with a Dominant who was pursuing her for a relationship. The second email he sent her , which she forwarded to me he was explaining that sex was the most important part of BDSM. He also did not understand why she had someone listed as a sister on her fetlife profile, when in fact they were not sisters. The Dominant contacted me in the beginning but after that statement he was told to contact me again and he did not , mainly because his fake cover had been blown.

The courting process before entering a D’s or M’s should be friendship first, compatibility means everything. You never let someone try and define who and what you are, if you are allowing this again you do not have a clear definition of who and what you are.

The Negotiation Process , this is where you find out if your compatible in the lifestyle. This is where the Dominant lays out his training process, this is where he lays out the expectations of the relationship , this is where he will tell you his protocols, his standards in private and public, his beginning rules for you, this is where he tells you about his needs , his kinks , his fetishes , his sexual preferences. This is where he draws you a clear picture on how he sees himself in a everyday D’s or M’s relationship.

You may have a hard limit when it comes to humiliation. You may have a hard limit when it comes to sharing, you may have a hard limit when it comes to anal sex , or being face fucked. It could be a number of things or maybe somethings are negotiable.
If you say no i will not do those things and the Dominant is firm in his needs then you are not the right one for him and there is no reason to continue the thought of having a relationship.

Anyone who knows Arianna and I know we are a perfect fit, what makes us a perfect fit is I understand her, I understand her thought process, I understand what makes her do the things she does, but most of all I understand communication is needed. I know when to talk , I know when to ask questions , and I also know when she needs to be left alone so she can think and clear her mind. I say yes more than I say no , but when I say no I mean it. When she has one of her manic days at times I let her run, but I know when to reel her back in, so at times saying no is not an option.

I did train Arianna to fit my needs , I did train to fit my wants. I trained her sexually to do the things I like without being told what to do and when to do it. She follows my protocols , my rules to a T. I control everything but at the same time I am fair and I can assure you I give back more than I take. I put a great deal of work into our relationship to insure it runs smoothly.

I give Arianna down time when I think it is needed to visit family and friends , I do not try to isolate her which is a bad habit of some dominants , and that is mainly because they have insecurity problems.

Respecting ones limits , this is something that is looked over way to much and the main culprit is a lack of caring or just simply not giving a fuck. The not respecting ones limits happens mostly when two are not in a relationship. What does someone care after a play session where you get really fucked up either mentally or physically the odds of ever seeing them again are slim to none.

While sex plays a huge role in any relationship , sex is not the foundation when it comes to a D’ or M’s. When I met someone if there was any resistance in the way I saw a relationship the conversation was over because I refused to bend.. If many did the same they would see life in a much better place…
Make no mistakes it is you the submissive or slave who has to adapt

Vile

Traits Of A Good Dominant

I was looking back over the years the other day from a wild and crazy teen , joining the Us Army at 17 to get away from home, and I can pretty much remember every year except for the Carter Administration. I had joined the Us Army October 1979. When I left the house both parents were at work so there were no good byes. There were no letters back and forth , so I never showed up for mail call.
I had left behind a 100 friends who were not friends if that makes any sense. I never really got into any real bad trouble, I steered away from the trouble makers. I was young and doing my own thing. While others partied and smoked pot , I was tying girls up. At that time it seemed like the best alternative.

I have noticed since I have gotten older , I have not really changed much at all , Ive just changed my way of thinking. I grew up on the street so by the time I had turned 17 and joined the army I had street smarts. I could separate the bull shitters from the real.

I have zero tolerance for lairs I mean zero , none. If you lie to me we are done. Most people lie because they want something or they are hiding something.

I started washing dishes when I was 13 so I always had my own money even as my parents struggled. There struggle was drug addiction , and alcohol. Every 90 days or so one or the other would go into detox for 30 days and get clean. It was just a vicious circle that was never ending. I had just turned 21 and my real mother passed away from a drug overdose.
I remember my uncle calling me I was stationed in Korea and he asked if I was coming to help with the arrangements, and I thought for a second and I asked why would I do that , do what you gotta do man I hope it works out.

So I learned at a very early age you had to watch your own back because no one else was going to. I also learned early on that greed fed the human mind , I also found out greed is the down fall to many , but they want to put the blame on others. Family , Family are the ones you really have to watch out for. That does sound cold but we as humans have changed so much over the past 30 years. I saw it when my Grandfather passed away. He had not even left the hospital and they were going through his things and fighting over who got what. Like the movie , you have to learn to separate the good , the bad and the ugly.

While in school I was only in one fight. Fighting was something I never looked forward to, or never thought I would be in one. Fat fred is what he was called and he was fat and people were scared of him for what ever reason. One day while boarding the school bus Fat Fred tripped me while I was going to my seat. Once I got up I straddled him and I just started punching and punching and punching. The bus driver pulled over and had to pull me off of him.
Fat Fred spent a week in the hospital. I had broken his nose , his jaw and his eye socket was ruptured. That was the end of my fighting career , after that I never had a problem with anyone. I never understood it but his parents never wanted to press charges, maybe they knew he was a dick.

So where am I going with all of this rubbish , well I am in the learning stage. I spend my time learning and watching and listening.

Honesty I learned early on honesty is the best medicine , if your honesty people will respect you even if they do not like you.
Some years ago I drove a Tractor Trailer , one of the drivers who switched with me brought a truck back in as he was backing to the Doc , the supervisor met the driver and asked him what happened to the trailer door it was destroyed. The driver make the comment Vile did it. James my supervisor looked at the driver and said Vile did not do that , I know this because he would of told me.

A good Dominant can communicate and will do so on all levels. A good Dominant will all you his property to communicate as well and again on all levels. With communication comes with having the ability to listen and communicate your feelings or your thoughts

A Good Dominant is loyal even if he is in a Poly relationship because all parties know of everyone. A good Dominant is loyal and will remain.

A good Dominant is able to provide structure and make his property feel secure. He will provide structure to keep his home is good balance without any disruptions.

A good Dominant wants his property to succeed in life he will set goals and insure they are completed and help when needed.

A good Dominant is in full control of not only himself but his home and surroundings. He is level headed and thinks things through before acting. A good Dominant knows his actions not only effect him but his house as well.

A good Dominant again is in full control going in a different direction this time. He is in control of his temper, he is in control of his anger and he is not abusive , be it mental, physical , or verbal. An angry mans words are a calm mans thoughts.

A good Dominant will respect your limits , while at times limits will be pushed one must know and respect when you have had enough.

A good Dominant will put you first above anything in his life. You should be all that matters. You know even today I still receive some 50+ text a day from Arianna. It does not matter what I am doing whom I am with I take time to respond, by not responding in a timely manner I find it to be very disrespectful and uncaring.
I am sorry I was to busy to text you, really how long does it really take to pick up your phone and send a text msg ?

Now the above statements could go with any relationship as well , be it a vanilla , Domestic Discipline , or if you venture off into the world of BDSM. The bottom line is if you do not have those core values in any relationship it will not work. It seems over the years we have lost much of our values as a society , now it is mostly dog eat dog even when it comes to our families.

One thing you as a submissive or slave has to remember , you are the one who has to adapt to your new Dominant. You are the one who has to follow rules but rules within reason.. You yourself has a lot to do with the relationship working. You have to have that mindset when entering a new relationship , and you have to remember every Dominant is different , every Dominant has a different way of doing things , as well as different rules and standards.

Vile

What I have Learned

I learned about greed at an early age. I remember deer hunting at 14. I invited a friend, while hunting one early morning I shot a buck. We would clean right there on the spot because it was to hard getting the whole deer back home. As we were packing I noticed once we were through he had taking way more than half. That was the last invitation. I figured he needed it worse than I did so I said nothing.
Hunting was something I enjoyed it was my get away. I remember I would go squirrel hunting and I would take Mrs Wright my catch and she would cook squirrel dumplings for me.

I have learned that Drama is a cancer, and the only cure is to cut it off at the source. If you feed on their drama is just complicates your life.

I’ve learned that if people are to quick to help they have their own agenda.

I have learned once an abuser always an abuser, you are just wired that way, and there is no cure.

I have learned once a cheater always a cheater, yes you are just wired that way.

I have learned to keep my friendship base small. You cannot trust to many at one time, because all do not have good intentions.

I have learned that being confident you can get ahead in life.

I have learned you cannot live your life trying to be politically correct. If you live your life being politically correct you can never be yourself. In fact your life is a huge lie.

I have learned honesty is the best policy. You should never have to lie to get what you want.

I have learned religion is a huge farce. Religion is something people hide behind living off of false hopes.
Religion is nothing but greed, and it has brought down millions of people, and millions have been killed. Religion is greed and nothing more.
I am not saying there is no god, but I believe you can be right with the man in your own home.
People believe in order to be next to god you have to give money or your prayers will not be answered.

I Have learned the lifestyle has changed so much in the last ten years and abuse is running rapid. It is truly a shame how people can abuse and not have a care. To not have any compassion or care for someone’s well being. The explosion is due to the internet and like the drama it to is a cancer.

I have learned that greed now runs the world. Families are no longer families, they are more acquaintances, and they are there until you need something.

I have learned that if your partner will lay on her back and take what you give, she should be your only concern. Your partner should always come first no matter what.

In my eyes Arianna can walk on water, she is a true sign of perfection.

We spend to much time looking at faults, when really if you look at the good, and focus on the good, there are no faults. It took me years to learn to look for the good qualities.

I have learned there is no end to submission. If your submissive or slave is treated with respect, the submission will grow.

I have learned our community is no longer as close as we once were, and I find this to be alarming. We no longer look out for the ones who need guidance , advice, or may just need a push in the right direction, everything now comes with a price.

I will be your mentor but your going to suck my cock, or your going to fuck me, but I will help you. That is very unfortunate that we have gone in that direction.

At one time I had the complete set of the native American dawes rolls, and yes that is the truth. I would help people obtain their cards from the different tribes.
The thing is once I explained the steps I needed from them it was to much work.
Everything we do in life consist of one word. Effort.

I have learned real love is almost impossible to come by today. It seems most have their own agenda. When things go wrong it is easier to just pack up and leave.

I have learned drug abuse is no longer a habit that was once known to be part of the poor population. Our country has a huge prescription addiction problem.

Everything I have stated above also consist of one word. Greed

I have learned there are those who want what others have. Those who want to destroy homes, take away what someone else has built, but in the end they lose, and they lose everything, expecting others to feel sorry for them.

A man will destroy his home, and family over a little pussy, with no guilt or regrets.

Yes all of the above consist of one word as well.

KARMA

vile

Are You Codependent ?

Arianna’s mother and I have a love hate relationship. I suppose it is the fact I control everything when it comes to her daughter.

Her Mother does know about our lifestyle just as my family knows. The one thing her mother knows is Arianna is in a much better place, and that she appreciates.

So the topic came up a couple of weeks ago, while her mother and I were standing in the kitchen talking, and her mother made the comment about Arianna being Codependent . Is that how your lifestyle works you make your women codependent?

I said absolutely not , as a matter of fact Arianna has always been codependent, either you did not see it or you just did not care. The same goes for her past relationships, if they did see it they just did not want the responsibility

So I looked at her mother in the eye, and I said Arianna is codependent but I have perfected it.

While it is true many who are Submissive and more so those who are slaves are codependent, not all, I did not say all, Many.

This part is not abuse or maybe it is. A Dominant with zero experience has no idea how to deal with someone who is codependent, and it quickly becomes a burden. So either you find someone who knows what is going on, and work it from there, or you just say I am sorry I bit off more than I could chew. Because the longer you the Dominant sticks around the more damage you are doing.

Here is a little known fact about the medical profession, more so  when it come to counselors and Psychiatrists.

They are quick to tell you what the problem is, they are also quick to tell you what you should do to fix it, but they do not tell you how to fix it. So all the Psychiatrists is in real life is a pill pusher, because if you can mask the problem, you are no longer a problem.

Everyone is wired differently, we all think different, our brains are wired differently, our visions on how we see the world are different. You can tell someone what the problem is, and what they should be doing, but your missing the main ingredient , The How To.

 

So either we as Dominants expect ours for who they are, or you leave, because if you do neither, here comes your temper, he comes the anger, and here comes the abuse.

There is no life coach who can change you, maybe for a short time, but the first time something goes wrong, your right back where you started, but this time your alone.

In most cases Dominants make better Psychiatrists than Psychiatrists do. Did that even make sense?

The only difference is we are not allowed to write scripts.

So your codependent, that is perfectly fine if you are in the right hands. Because a good Dominant will lift you up just enough so you can act on your own. Remember the Behavior Modification?

 Again not everyone in the lifestyle is Codependent, but when you look at the whole picture the majority are.

It is okay to be you, it is okay to expect someone to except you for you, and not want to change you.

The only thing you truly want is to be understood and loved.

Vile

 

BDSM , Depression, And Those Who Are Cutters

It is no secret Depression is running wild today. 1 in 10 adults suffer from some type of depression.

http://www.cdc.gov/features/dsdepression/
An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression

http://www.thementalhealthblog.com/2013/10/teenage-depression-and-suicide-statistics/

1 out of 8 teenagers are identified as having depression.
Depression is twice as more likely to affect females compared to males.
Approximately 20% of teenagers may suffer from teen depression before they achieve adulthood.
Around 5% of teens may experience major depressive disorder at any one point in their life.
30 percent of teenagers with depression also experience a drug abuse problem.
Between 20 to 50 percent of adolescents are affected by depression who have a family history of depression or some other mental disorder.
Depressed teens are more likely to have difficulty at schools and at jobs, and to struggle with relationship.
It is the sixth leading cause of death among the young children age 5-14.
Many adolescents with depression will suffer from more than one episode and 70 percent teens may have more than one episode before adulthood.
Teens with major depression seem to catch physical health problems more frequent than other teenagers.
In the United States, about 5,000 teens who experience depression commit suicide every year.
Most teenage depression can be effectively treated with medication, psychotherapy or combined treatment. Youngsters are more likely to react to treatment when they get it early in the course of their health issues

Now while I do not have a PHD, I am going to say these number are a little higher just because of the unreported cases there are. You may even be able to bump it another 3 or 4%.

There are over 5000 cases of teen suicide every years, and most come from families who suffer from some type of mental disorder.

Those who are in the lifestyle, the depression number run much higher. I am not sure what the connection between depression and BDSM are, but there is a clear pattern.

That is why if you are a submissive or slave, and you suffer from some type of depression, it is very important you find an experienced Dominant if you should choose to take that path. You need someone who not only cares about you but understands you.

http://www.teenhelp.com/teen-health/cutting-stats-treatment.html

Statistics on teen cutting are hard to come by because so few studies have been done on the subject.

Broad estimates are that about one percent of the total U.S. population, or between 2 and 3 million people, exhibit some type of self-abusive behavior. But that number includes those with eating disorders like anorexia, as well as those who self injure. (1)

A 2002 study published in the British Medical Journal estimated that 13 percent of British 15- and 16-year-olds purposely injure themselves. (2)

In the U.S., it’s estimated that one in every 200 girls between 13 and 19 years old, or one-half of one percent, cut themselves regularly. Those who cut comprise about 70 percent of teen girls who self injure.

Now these numbers are pretty old, so I am sure the numbers have grown, and will continue to grow, until someone mainly the parents be held accountable.

Since the majority of my relationships have been long term, well for the most, I have been with two cutters, those were chong and Bea, bea being the worse.

In both relationships I was able to help the two over come the cutting. Never at one time did I try to discourage the cutting, that is working against them and what they are feeling.
The thing I had to do was try to understand what made them want to do such a thing. Both gave the same answers it was a release, a release of deep inner pain.

Chong was really easy, she did not come from an abusive family, she had moved to the US at the age of 18, and had entered many abusive relationships. It was not long after we had moved in together, the cutting stopped. It was through hours and hours of communication, and listening to her, and showing that I cared, she slowly began to stop, it was not something that happened over night.
Chong suffered from depression, and was on no medication, but most of her depression was from having no family in the US and no one that really cared about her.
I got her in to see a doctor and one prescription of wellbutrin and in about 45 days she was a new person, she made a 360 degree turn around.

Bea was much different, what looked like the everyday go lucky family was not what it really was.
Bea was more of an introvert she felt out of place and only had one true friend, who was also a cutter.
Bea was forced to go to counseling, her mother would stand in the bathroom while she pissed in a cup, because they knew she was on drugs.

While in counseling she was forced to set in group settings, and the result was she never opened up. She ended up telling the doctors what they wanted to hear.
She was 18 when we moved in together, and I was 37, her parents went fucking nuts, but you know what I was now in charge.

I remember the first time I caught her cutting, I did most of the cooking, so dinner was almost finished and I walked in the bedroom, and there she was sitting on the bed.
I looked and said hey when your done dinner is finished. It was maybe 5 minutes and she walked out, we ate no conversation, then I instructed her to wash dishes.

Once finished I told her to go get her razor blade and she just looked at me. I said go get the razor blade now.
Once back we were sitting on the couch and I asked her, where is the place that feels the best, and she pointed to her thigh. I pulled my pants off and told her to hand me the blade and she looked at me confused.

I took the blade from her and I started to cut myself and her hand stopped me. I pushed it back and I cut my inner thigh. Fucking ouch, wow that shit hurts what the fuck. Bea said you don’t understand , my reply was I understand more than you think.

It started around the 5th grade she was blamed for everything, she could do nothing right. Her parents would fight every night, screaming and yelling calling each other names, but they failed to see was the toll they were taking on their daughter.

What is that around your neck ? She said your collar. What does that mean? It means you own me. What do I own ? You own all of me. Inside out correct? Yes Master inside out.

Positive reinforcement is the greatest drug in the world. Showing someone they are loved and cared for is the greatest drug in the world, communication is the greatest drug in the world, and the funny thing is all of those prescriptions are free, no doctor needed.

The more we communicated, the more she trusted me. It was not long she began to open up to me and sure enough she had been molested by a family member when she was around the age of 5. Ahhh the root, every problem has a root, and she never trusted anyone enough to share that root until now. The abuse went on for about 4 years.
I found out in six months what her parents could not find out in 18 years, all they knew was it was her fault and only her fault. Someone had to take one for the team and it might as well be her.

some eight months into the relationship we were talking and she just busted out laughing. I was in total shock because I had never even seen her smile.

I started with small rewards for not cutting. Dinner dates, movies, long drives, and at times clothes.

Even though our split was somewhat messed up, I understood why she left the way she did, its all good.

Today she is a teacher, married with two kids, so yea I did okay..

Every problem has a root, and if you just medicate the problem they never get better. Group setting do not always work, because if they do open up, it is a false door they are opening. You are being told what you want to hear.
Trust is the same in everyone it takes time, and if they do not trust like I said when you open the door it goes no where.

So now today if you Google BDSM and mental health there are very few negative articles, in fact most are positive when it comes to the lifestyle and it is consensual.

I have spoken to two of Arianna’s doctors and both agreed the lifestyle we are living is good for arianna and beneficial for her as well. Living in a structured home with love and no drama. That is two out of two.

The parents need to take a bigger role in not only their children, but as a family. There has to be a time in the evening when all TV’s and cell phones are cut off, and you talk, but you talk and you listen.

The parents may even have to look for other work if your out of the home more than 45 or 50 hours a week

Don’t get me wrong the teen has to be held accountable but only if they should be not because it is easier. Today it is much easier to bring in the Xbox or the play station, than it is to take the responsibility that parents should.
The thing most parents forget is they did not ask to be brought into this world, you Mom and Dad brought them in.

So you look at the suicides , and the shootings at the schools, there was something wrong, something bad wrong, and the parents were to blind to see.

BDSM

In my view is healthy again I do not have a PHD but many times you can have a PHD and still be a fucking dumb ass.

If you the submissive are in a well structured home, with rules that really benefit you. You have an open line of communication, and you trust I mean really trust, you can live a healthy life and be happy.
You may not find yourself jumping up and down with joy, but you will feel stability in your life.
Consensual is the key word, and being with someone who understands you. That means you have to be honest and upfront about all of your problems.

If your with a Dominant and this topic does not come up, then he does not have your best interest in mind..

Vile

My Interview Questions Are In. I will Be Truthful With My Answers

So I posted yesterday that I would be willing to answer any question giving to me and answer it honestly.
What I am surprised with but somewhat grateful none of the questions were sexual.

I like doing these interviews , it opens up a whole new world to those we know and follow here on wordpress.

Some of the questions are very deep, so I will try to explain them the best I can….

Susie Jul 22, 8:41 pm

could you please, in depth, list and explain. 5 emotional, physical and spiritual ways Arianne lifts, enhances, & contributes to the quality of your life as a Man,Dom and Master.. By giving the gift of her submission and slaving.

I did say deep didn’t I.

When I first met Arianna I was in a bad place. I had been searching for over a year, for a long term partner, and I had all but giving up. I refused to move on my needs.
I had made plans to move out of the country and I had already obtained employment in the Philippines , my next choice would of been Thailand.

I was not what you would call depressed, I would say more of being lonely. That is the main reason I had decided on taking in a roommate, for the company. Although Kelly is an awesome person, she is like a sister to me, that still did not fill the void.

So when I first was introduced to Arianna, I felt something right away. I felt a connection, and that is something I need.
You can be the hottest bitch to walk the earth, but if I do not have that connection, I cannot fuck, it will not happen.

Spiritually, I am what I would call a spiritual man not religious I am far from religious and I feel I am in a much better place.
I am Buddhist , I have been studying Buddhism for about 15 years, and I believe it has helped me walk the path I walk today.

Arianna has giving me insight, it is like I can breath now, and knowing someone has my back. Physical , this is huge January 1st I quit smoking after 38 years 2 packs a day, because it was a need for Arianna. She does not smoke so it was not really fair to her that I did, and I smoked in the house. My house remember, so to speak. I quit because of my love for her, and me being somewhat older, I want to live a very long time, because she does give some awesome head.
Truth be known there are very few 24/7 M’s couples we are very rare, but there are very few D’s couples who live 24/7 and I am not sure why.

To have someone kneel before you and give you total control over their well being. There is truly no other feeling, it is a total rush, I could feel the blood flowing through my veins. To have such a prize possession giving to you. Truly there can be nothing greater.
It the relationship gives you drive, it makes you want to excel at everything you do, you need to be the best at what you do.
The truth is I want for nothing, my every want and need is anticipated , it is very seldom I even have to ask for anything.

I hope I answer your questions..

The next question was from an email.

Are the pictures you post of Arrianna? Did you always know you were a Master?

Sent from my iPhone No they are not, although the picture on my book cover is her, and she will probably be on all of the upcoming covers. I would never post any nudes of Arianna on here I respect her way to much..
As far as being a Master, I knew I was different at a very young age. At the age of 14 I liked to tie girls up, spank, and so on, it was the control factor I was missing.

thecheekyhousewife Jul 23, 2:13 am

Two questions:
1. Your pen name. You’ve shared how you got it so I get that it’s suppose to be playful or fun. But I’ve been a social worker for 15 years and have seen what vile is. You’re not it. Not even close. So my question is: Would you be open to changing your pen name?
2. You’re friggin hilarious and smart. You’ve compared yourself to Howard Stern. And he’s just gross. Would you ever consider a PG-13 edition of your writing or radio show? I think there are many teenage girls that would benefit from your writing. 🙂

My pen name as you call it has been with me for some 35 years, Gretchen thought I was Vile. That is what and who I am known by and not just here on wordpress.

I would be open to doing another blog, or maybe being a partner with someone under a different name, but to change my name, I could never do that, that would change who I am.

My radio station will be about the lifestyle, BDSM , it will be about my blog, the topics I have covered and I intend on having guest as well. Arianna is and has been very supportive when it comes to the radio station, it means as much to her and it does me.

I have a soft spot for children, today so many are left out in the cold, and they have to fend for themselves and it is really sad. When something goes wrong they take the blame.
If I could just snap my finger and make everything alright I would. If I had a huge farm I would take everyone in who needed help.

No I cannot change who I am..

And another

It seems that neediness is a very common trait among submissives. What is your advice for submissives who have been made to feel that their neediness is a bad thing?? How would you “draw out” a submissive who is closed off and not communicative?

As an experienced Dom, your style has changed over the years, but you have maintained your sense of self through it all, even through your own “training”. Do you think this is an attribute common among Dominants?

Vile, I’ve liked the interviews, they have given a lot of insight into how different people and relationships are. I hope you keep it up.

❤ mel.

It seems that neediness is a very common trait among submissives. What is your advice for submissives who have been made to feel that their neediness is a bad thing?? How would you "draw out" a submissive who is closed off and not communicative?

I have blogged about this before. This is the way you separate the real and from the fakes.
It is true many who are submissive are needy, I believe this is more true with those who are slaves.
Those who are not true, the fake Doms I have talked about, the married Doms or Daddy Doms I have talked about, they are the ones who tell subs that being needy is a bad thing, because then they have responsibility, they actually have to do something in the relationship instead of just getting their cock sucked.
Being needy is not a bad thing, so what if someone depends on you, at least you know you have someone you can depend on. I find someone who is needy to have strength, I believe they will open up more.If you except them for who they are as a person and a submissive, the communication is unlimited. In the end that is what we want communication.

Being needy is only a bad thing when the other does not care about you, and saying it is a bad thing should tell you one thing. They do not care about you.

As an experienced Dom, your style has changed over the years, but you have maintained your sense of self through it all, even through your own "training". Do you think this is an attribute common among Dominants?

This is an awesome question.

I believe Dominants tend to think things out more on an intellectual level than lets say someone who is vanilla. Did that make sense ?
Yes it is true for the most we do have to train ourselves, but as I have stated I myself have always had a mentor, someone I look up to and respect.
I go to him because he will not tell me what I want to hear. If I am fucking up he will tell me.

A good Dominant if he meets someone he cares about, and he believes a relationship is possible, then he should be able to meet ones needs, not really giving in, but bending a little, adapting is the answer I think.

Is it a trait, while all Dominants are not bad, I do not believe it to be common no.
Just like while at the local much and the topic came up about another Master stepping in if something happened to me. There were 12 Doms there and there was not one I would of trusted.

I find the love you have for Ariana to be truly special. To me, it transcends
Master and slave. When did you know she was the one? Was there a specific
moment?

xxoo Jane

Thank you for the email Jane.
The moment My eyes landed on her, actually when she extended her hand and we shook hands, I could feel the warmth. What I saw in her eyes told me everything. I new from the first words out of her mouth.
Thank you.

The Beach where we were Married.

Vile

BDSM And Mental Health

While it is true there are many who are Slave and Submissive’s in the lifestyle who do not suffer from any type of depression, anxiety, or anything else. It has been my experience over the past two decades that well over half of those I have met have falling under what I am going to speak about.

Before Arianna met me she had been with a couple of Dominants who were abusive, one more physical than the other. The one who was the oldest was more mental abuse, screaming yelling, keeping her up for hours at a time. While the other was more mental, he was the one I called the Hypno Dom.

He is local and uses hypnosis to lure his victims in. Now Hypnosis does not work with everyone, I know because I went to see one once before to try and stop smoking

On the other hand hypnosis does work on some, if the mindset is right. Picking those who are submissive and knowing one could have problems, or maybe even show signs of being lonely. I even consulted a couple of well known Dominants in the area, and it was pretty much Wow that sucks huh.
Well when it comes to rape, or really hurting someone physically to me is a huge deal. Arianna had taking a couple of good beatings from him before she caught on.

I mentor a submissive who lives in another country, and she has improved 1000 times over since we first met, and it was mainly just staying in touch and giving advice when she asked.
So she emailed me about this Dominant who was into mental sadism , I was thinking like wow really? Okay so I contacted him, and I asked if he knew she suffered from anxiety and depression? His answer was no.
So he was going to session with her not knowing anything about her or her mental state..

It is no secret that Arianna had a break down not long after we had met, it was something that was a long time coming, and things were just piling up, and it was like a Volcano.

I do try and make all of Arianna’s appt with her, and yesterday was one, and as the Doctor walked out to welcome Arianna, she looked and said oh your here. Yes I am I thought.
So there were a few changes, and I asked a thousand questions. I wanted to know why, how, what for, and why again. Yea she loves me.

Her doctor knows of our lifestyle as well, we had never come right out and said anything but I am sure she knows what the collar is around Ariannas neck.
I forget what was said but she made the comment that rules and structure were good to have in a home.

I am not going to go down a long list of medications, but I just want to touch on a few things.
If someone is taking medication for depression you as the Dominant need to know why, the same with Anxiety . How long have they been on medication?
At what age did they start? What was the family upbringing like? What was school like? You need to know the submissive inside out ,and then outside in.

So what if this Mental sadist was to of had a session with this Submissive who is bipolar, suffers from depression, and anxiety, not having a clue about her mental state. Lets say he started off playing some mind fucking games, moving into a little pain, all while she is bound, gagged, and blindfolded.
Do you really think he was going to care about the aftermath . The same with the Hypno Dom, who preys on weak women…

Before I say anything else, not every submissive , or slave suffers from anything, there are those who wake up perfectly normal. There are those who do not need to see doctors. To those I say you are very lucky.

Above is the abuse I have been talking about for so long. If you meet a Dominant and he is not asking these question, you are not going to volunteer any information in fear of rejection. If he is not asking questions wanting to know the real you, and he is just interested in your kinks, or demanding you call him Sir. Yea you know.

Although you want to share your life, you do not want to spill your life out in one sitting, this can also make you a target. You should however share information about any medications your on and why you are taking them, how long you have been taking them, and why.

Once I learned about Arianna, I did have a little help as well, that was her journals I read, it took me over 8 hrs to read everything. The training plan I had in mind prior was much more strict , I probably would of seemed more distant in someways. I was not looking to hurt anyone mentally or physically, I was looking for a partner and slave.

When you first meet a Dominant and the first couple of days are just sexual, and he is not trying to get to know you as a person, do you really think he has your best interest in mind?

Here is the number one problem this is to those who are new. You believe anything your told,and you feel you do not have the right to ask questions.

I know when I first meet someone I want to know them inside out, because if you dont and you have a real intense session, and the Dominant dose something to cause a break down, the first words out of his mouth is , Well I didn’t know.. You did not tell him, or he did not ask, there is the lack of communication maybe on both parts, it is not always the Doms fault.

A submissive told me the other day she had suffered from depression but no longer took her meds, she said she was cured and no longer needed them. She came to this conclusion on her own, and the Dominant who I take is a Doctor agreed with her. If he was not a doctor he would of taking different steps I would think. You cannot play with someones well being, you cannot play with someones mind, or their emotions.

All it really takes is you sharing very important information, you the submissive has the right to say no I am not going to do that, or you are not going to do that to me. You have that right. You have the right to have what was promised, you have the right to walk away when you are being abused or lied to.

If the Dominant your with does not care about your safety , then he is not the one for you. If the Dominant does not care about your well being then he is not the one for you.

Move on…

Vile

7/4/14 My Thoughts On Mental Health And BDSM

I have touched on this subject before but I have some new information I would like to share.
Also the effects of training someone who suffers from depression and anxiety.

Knowing your submissive or slave is very important before starting any type of D’s or M’s Relationship.
I have had two doctors tell me the lifestyle can be beneficial as well , when one is provided with a stable home, structure, rules and yes the word everyone hates protocols.
I am sure you will find what I have to say very interesting.
Also feel free to interject,  I like it when people comment agreeing or not.

Have a kick ass 4th Vile style.

I Hate Fake People Mentors That Is

Ive been mentoring a submissive for almost a year now. It has not been easy being she is some 6.000 miles away, but in the last year she has improved 100% and continues to get better everyday. She had been out out work due to depression and anxiety, but is now able to possibly step back into the work force again.

So finding a mentor close to her, now Ive blogged about this a little but I did not go into much detail. So where this submissive lives there is a huge community, Dominants growing like wold flowers. So you would think someone would be willing to step up to the plate. Not.

So this submissive has had me contact a couple of Dominants she thought would be a good mentor, yea she thought and there was one who I was really disappointed in a leader in the community. A leader of a local MasT group. Masters And Slaves Together.

Now to become a leader of a MasT chapter it is a very long process, I know, because I have been strumming the idea for a while now, starting a local chapter that is. I have been in contact with the regional office for sometime now. MasT is world wide, with members numbering in the thousands.

So I was in contact with such a leader a pillar of the community, someone who is respected because of his knowledge, his wisdom, well fuck who would make a better mentor. So after my first contact and I explained what this submissive needed , he agreed to help. Then I dropped the bomb. The submissive was not interested in sex, well at this point in her life. I explained that sex caused anxiety , it made her nervous, I am going to guess because of past relationships, I would not know because we have not talked about SEX.

So she contacts him, and fuck me the first thing he wants to know was her sexual fantasies she had as a child. Get the fuck out, really? Then he proceeded to tell her I had to be out of the picture because no mentor would want to take her on because of me, again really?

So I contacted another, and again I made it clear there was to be no sex, just a mentor, a friend someone she could talk to, someone who could guide her in the right direction, but you take the pussy out of the picture and helping a submissive is no longer worth it. No pussy no mentor.

A man who thinks like this is no leader because he is weak. Someone who is weak minded cannot lead, someone who thinks like this is a predator and nothing more. Using his position in the community to get laid.

Wanting me out of the picture, and I will tell you why. Once this submissive explained the amount of respect she had for me, I was a threat. I was a threat because she was still going to continue to listen to me. It goes as far as the other dominant would have to speak to me before punishing her. This was not my choice, it was not something I said, it was something she felt needed to be in pace, because I had earned her trust.

If either Dominant had stepped up to the plate and they were who they claimed to be, you never know what might of happened. If you don’t give up the pussy I am not going to help you. If you don’t suck my cock I am not going to be there for you.

This is a news flash gentleman. Pussy is not in shortage, there is plenty to go around, and there will always be plenty to go around. It is those who are fakes who believe their is a shortage.

Ahh she suffers from depression, she suffers from anxiety, I do not want to get involved with that mess. Well the truth is it really is not a mess, if you are who you say you are. It gets to a point to where you don’t even really notice it , because you take the time to get to know the person, face to face not while she is on her back.

I said yesterday BDSM is not about sex, and I find it really hard that someone who has been in the lifestyle for 20 years or more still looks at it a weakness.

I get gratification from helping others, I get a good feeling when I help others, even more so when I see someone move on and they have been able to improve their life. I have taken submissives in before and helped them get back on their feet, and I never once asked for anything in return. I never thought about fucking any of them. That was not the connection I wanted and it surely was not going to help.

There should be an Oath we as Dominants should have to take. There should be standards we as Dominants should have to uphold , if your going to boast about who and what you are in public you should be held accountable for your actions. I am guessing these guys carry self proclaimed titles. They have appointed themselves leaders.

Sure I will help you, but first you got to suck my cock then we will talk about your needs, and what your trying to achieve. Wow that just kills me, 20 plus years in the lifestyle and most still think like a twenty year old.

These are the dudes who are single by the way. These are the dues who are married and their wife wont suck cock but you will. These are the dues with all the drama in their life, all the problems, the dudes who have a secret life, your hidden away, your kept in a closet until your needed.

So when the next Dominant tells you hes been in the lifestyle for twenty years and he is demanding you call him Sir, or tells you that your training starts by sucking his cock, you tell him to go fuck himself with a chainsaw , train his self. Or go back home to his wife and make her suck his cock.

Don’t be played by a dumb ass, because you are being laughed at, I know I use to laugh a lot..

Vile