Archive for the Open Minded Category

BDSM The Problem Is The Lack Of Education

Posted in Arianna, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, BDSM Education, BDSM Munch, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Collar, collaring ceremony, communication, Dominants, http://mast.net/history.php, kinkster, kinky, Living Poly, Living Triad, MAST, Master And Slave, Masters And Slaves Together, munchs, Open Minded, Protocols, slave, Stephan Pot, Submission, submissive on May 31, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am always starving not for food well yes I am but Arianna has put me on a diet , well she did not put me on one I agreed to go on one. I am starving for information when it comes to the lifestyle , I watch , I listen , and I ask questions. I am a people watcher , I watch and I listen, I am observing how someone sits , how they use body parts when talking , or sitting and bouncing knees when talking , nothing gets by me. Just meeting you , you have about 15 seconds to make a friend. I have very few friends and I have my reasons, my number one is drama , and two most of the time when you have a friend they have a motive , what can you do for them? Fifteen seconds to make a friend and I know after the first 15 or 20 words out of your mouth is I am going to like you. I can count on one hand and tell you how many true friends I have , and these are friends who would drop what they are doing if I ever needed them or something.
Even on Fetlife most of my friends on my profile I have met I have 49 friends and I have met roughly 40 maybe a little more. Someone will send me a request who lives ahhh I don’t know Dallas Texas and I look at their friends list and they have 5.000 friends man please. I have added people who follow my blog, and most of us email each other, but if you have 500 friends how are you going to make time for me?

The era of the internet , it has exploded over the past ten years , you can find anything and it is right at your finger tips. Dating sites have exploded , craigslist WOW , and even BDSM sites.

Before the explosion The lifestyle was still around it was just not as easy to meet people, so you had to kinda feel people out , it was like dark and underground. More Taboo , or sick , kinda like incest.
People were sneaking around not wanting people finding out who or what they were into. The long Trench coats with hates to cover their face , it was really funny.

There were kinky parties , Private dungeons you had to be invited to. You would be met somewhere , interviewed then a decision was made to let you come or not and many times the answer was NO.
Safety was a much bigger issue , the older Dominants looked out for the subs and slaves. The older Dominant would school the younger Dominants, it was a very tight group group a small community.

San Fransisco wow Broadway st. I was at a titty bar one day and had been there since it opened around 10am around 7pm I walk out then sun had gone down , and it looked like the village people convention , of course it did not help when I called the police and reported my car stolen and it was parked across the street. After the sun goes down San Fran is a different city , and I suppose at the age of 20 it was intimidating , as much as I remember. I enjoyed visiting fishermans wharf and china town the food was awesome.

While stationed at Ft Ord I happened to stumble across a few kinky clubs , but people were paranoid , kinda like smoking pot and you keep looking out the window. Sitting in someones house thinking they are going to be raided at anytime. I found this to be very awkward because we were doing nothing , except talking.

Even today most who are in the lifestyle are scared and ashamed of who and what they are. BDSM has to be a secret no one can know. What will my fiends think of me ? What will my family think of me ? Co-workers today all someone has to do is google your name , and it is out there. I was in my yahoo mail a month ago or so and I was messing around with the settings or something , and I called Arianna in because I found pictures that were taking in the 90’s online and I had no idea they were there.

It is not like I care but if something happened to me the last thing I want is my family going through my stuff and finding , rope , leather hoods , leather restraint’s , vibrators , rope put away all nice and neat. and a large dog crate in my closet and we do not even own a dog. So okay my family knows , most of my friends know well okay all because I do not have any vanilla friends..

Okay so your a professional and you do not want your life all over the break room, well if you think no ones knows, then your some kind of stupid. Over the years at work Ive been called out or little remarks were made and for the most I just ignored as if nothing was said , unless it got to stupid for me then I would speak up.

All of the above falls back to a lack of education and for the most you cannot educate the vanilla world because there is way to much stupid going around. People are so judgmental, politically correct , wanting to point fingers, telling you how your abusing your partner. The truth is it is their life that is all fucked up , and you know it but you cannot say anything.

I am not saying you put a BDSM patch on your back and announce to the whole world your kinky , but why live in fear ? Why worry what someone else thinks about you ? Why worry if your family finds out ? These people you worry about are any of them making your car payment ? Your house payment ? Maybe they want to flip the bill for your next service on your car ?

Living a double life is way to much work and I would imagine it is pretty stressful as well. Maybe kinda like Batman , or Superman

The lack of education within the community , where Arianna and I live there is Zero gatherings that off any type of lifestyle education. We did attended a munch Thursday night , fuck what a long day we had. Wednesday night one of Ariannas friends wanted to go to Karaoke , so you know me I was game. The Retro Room is the name of the bar, its okay the service for the most sucks, but the drinks are good. So after talking with the DJ for a little the blonde Bartender comes over and she says Tequila sunrise ? Yup thank you. So about every 20 minutes she would just bring another , and another , and another , then I asked for a double, and another and another, and when my face was numb I stopped, I knew I had enough. I love hearing Arianna sing and one night I will record it and post the music.

Although I drink some when we go there it had been a long time since I had been sideways , or what some may call blind, but I was feeling good. The couple that came is new to the lifestyle and I am trying to be nice on Arianna’s behalf because she really likes the submissive, who is really not submissive she is only acting the part because of her partner. Okay enough of that.

Home late I am feeling right and up at 7.30 out the door and we head to the west coast to a park called Fort Desoto.
fort-de-soto

Arianna wanted to go sea shell hunting for her salt water tank , so her little crabs would have new homes. The water was incredible I was chest deep and could look down and see my feet and all the small fish swimming around. At one point two manatees swam as near as a hundred feet from me , that was awesome.

So off we go head home we took a half hour nap , and off to a munch we go , I am some kind of tired. The restaurant was a small upscale place , with finger foods and wine. What was really awesome about 25 people showed up so the place was packed. They were suppose to close between 6pm and 8pm but they also had a wine tasting going on at the same time.

The topic was suppose to be safe words, but with the layout of the place it was almost impossible and with people walking in and out made it impossible. It was brought up to the moderator that there was no need to have educational classes and a monthly get together would be just fine.

Okay no problem but now you can start to see a pattern now , this is all about change and in someways I do understand but for the most I do not.
I have been talking to the moderator for a couple of months about getting something going and she agreed until Thursday night..

Last week I contacted MAsT International and I requested a New Chapter Formation Petition. So now all I have to do is wait it out to see if I can get approved.

http://mast.net/history.php

MAsT International is an educational based group for all genders who believe in power exchange relationships. Groups are held for all to learn and participate. Monthly discussions on topics about the power exchange relationships. Which would include safety, relationships , structure and so on. Like many Munchs or gatherings there is no play parties it is strictly educational.

The Weekly and monthly group Arianna and I attend , we were hoping the moderator was going to put something together as far as something educational.
That would of meant I could of helped instead on taking on a new project. That is not going to happen so now I will take things into my own hands. The key is to schedule so there is no conflict with other dates in the local community here, which can be done with ease.
I also believe in this area a MAsT would do well because there are those who are truly interested in learning , and we also have a population of around 200.000. Where we live it is called four corners meaning four counties are connected , so I am not just servicing one county.

The Kink side of BDSM is just a treat but it is not the base of the relationship. The enjoyment comes from the power exchange as long as it is consensual.
Setting the foundation , moving into the needs for the two, then exploring the inner self as you both continue to grow. Taking each and every step so it allows you to define your relationship, a TPE relationship can be awesome. It is when you start to try and cut corners , this is where the problem come into play. Once your negotiations are set in stone you can then move forward.

Stephan Pot here on wordpress sent me a comment about a collaring ceremony he was invited to , and was stating how intense it was. Collars are earned not giving because you want to own someone. As with anything it means nothing or has no value if something is not earned.

The education process has changed so much in the last 10 years , I do know change happens , and at times change can be good , but what I am finding what you are finding , what we are finding people are getting hurt , relationships are short lived, and some even take their own lives. This stems from the lack of knowing , the lack of education and the lack of caring.

dirt

Vile

Arianna And I watched, My Five Wives, Well Almost All Of It

Posted in abuse, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, Buddhism, Christians, church, communication, Consensual, consequences, consistent, control, controlling, Discipline, Domestic Discipline, Dominant, Family Values, Gay, Living Poly, Living Triad, married, Married Polygamist, Master, My Five Wives, Open Minded, Patience, Polygamist, Protocol, relationships, Religion, Rules, Self-Discipline, sharing, Sister Slaves, Sister Wives, Structure, Submission, submissive, Triad on March 16, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

My Five Wives

While skipping through channels the other day I stumbled across this show called, My Five Wives

Brady who is married to five wives in Utah and has 24 children lives in two houses built side by side and a food bill of over 4.000 dollars a month seems to have it down for the most part.

The family were all Mormons at one time but have split off from the traditional Mormon religion and kinda added their own flavor.  While the family follows no real religion they all believe in Buddhism, all the women are pro-gay marriage and they all have a drink from time to time.

Each wife has their own bedroom and Brady takes turns spending the night with each one. One Birthdays each wife gets an extra night.

I have nothing against those who believe in polygamy or who live it, if it works for them then so be it.

If a family can live the Polygamy lifestyle and make it work, and not live off of government assistance then leave them be. We are in a new time where we allow gay couples to marry so why would be draw a line on how many people can live together.

While the family is not religious based they were all Mormons at one time, and they do live in a  Polygamist community , which they have been asked to leave because of the way they believe.

There are a few things that caught my eye in the short time we watched the show. The main thing was the jealousy between all of the wives as Brady took turns spending the night with each one. The second was no structure within the home, third there were no rules that had to be followed. Even though the show is not geared towards any BDSM lifestyle or Domestic Discipline the family did lack the fundamentals of any type of real structure and no protocol. I do believe Brady tries to communicate the best he can, but the main factor that keeps everything from working is the jealousy. There is no real communication with the wives, they all work toward the building of the home, but there is clearly no team work. They do have family outings which is good, yes all thirty of them, wow can you imagine going to McDonalds and having a bill for thirty.

So I wonder if others who live as Polygamist have the same issues , the same problems , if they have the same jealousy issues going on.

None of the wives on the show are Bi Sexual and that should never come into play anyway if you are looking to expand your family. I do not see the need in having partners and seeking out those who are bi as a need and that should never be part of the reason you are wanting to expand your family.

While I have done research on Domestic Discipline family’s I have not run into any who live as Polygamist. I have run into family’s who suffered from abuse and while a couple disagreed with me they mentioned all of the arguing that went on daily, and the fighting that went on daily so I was not able to connect them with living a Domestic Discipline lifestyle which for the most is religious based as well.

In the short time watching the show I was able to pin point where the problems came from. First there was no Alpha female, if there was she was not willing to step up to the plate. I can see where they all were wanting to be treated equal but in a live in situation like that I see no way that would work.

There was zero structure everyone did their own thing, having no structure causes arguing. There were no house rules again having no rules causes arguing.  Last but not least there were no consequences for any actions. Although he did try and communicate with everyone it was clear he was not getting through to them.

I can see where such a lifestyle could work if the male is in full control, and I can also see where it can fail. Those who live the polygamy lifestyle keep it such a secret I do not believe there is any hard statistics that shows if it works more than it fails.

I also believe a man can stretch his self way to thin and not being able to maintain any type of control, and it is clear when one of the wives stood toe to toe and argued with him he clearly had no control.

When Arianna and I were talking about the possibility of adding another, there would of been a plan in place. There would of been house rules to follow, there has to be structure, there has to be protocols , and most of all there has to be an alpha female, and the other has to know the alpha is just that and will always be the alpha. So a third would have to be okay being the third, and know that will never change.

I was reading some of the comments about the TV show My Five Wives, and there was not one good one, well until I commented. These people who were complaining are the same ones you see as customers in the TV show Hardcore Pawn, or guest on the Jerry Springer show, These are the ones talking about how others live their lives.

You have people protesting Gay Marriage if your so against it then don’t marry someone who is gay, BOOM problem solved. If you judge someone for having more than one wife, then just marry one, problem solved.

What is really stupid is you spend and hour watching a TV show about Polygamist then you spend the next day complaining about it. Wow fucking really. Truth be known your the fucking moron for wasting an hour of your life watching something you hate so much.

Let people be who they want and need to be. A friend at work was talking about a family he was working with they were Mexican, he was saying that two family’s lived in a two bedroom apartment, and how crazy they were. Well it is not really crazy, they make it work, who cares how they live.

If your going to live, live the dream, but don’t waste your time talking about how others live, when your own backyard is fucked up….

By the way I can talk, my backyard is clean.

Image Just how many is to many? How many can you keep under your control.

Vile

Change Never Works

Posted in 24/7, A Second Chance, Acceptance, anal sex, Arianna, bdsm, Change, change never works, Cheat, Cheaters, cheating, Dominants, Honesty, infidelity, Kink, kinky, Lie, Marriage, married, Married Dominant, Married submissive, Master, Open Minded, oral, oral sex, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick on November 20, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

That statement is so true , I am speaking of trying to change lifestyle’s. Some change is good and can be beneficial under the right conditions.

I know some 16 years ago I felt like I needed a change. I was at Bush Gardens in Tampa Florida one day sitting down just chilling , watching all these family’s walk by, and I started thinking man I am missing out on some shit here. The wife, kid, white picket fence, a little ankle biter roaming the yard, cooking out with the smith’s.

I did just that it was not three months and I was married, it took me about a month to come to my senses , VILE my man you have truly fucked up, you acted without thinking, and now you must pay dearly because you got the bitch knocked up. You did it so make it work.

I never should of went to Bush Gardens, should of went to a Titty Bar instead, not sure why I went, I prefer Universal anyway. My ex was not bad looking small petite frame, yea that is about it. So I started to make my exit and she informed me she was pregnant. Fuck me man how much worse could things get ?

Well I stuck it out for nine years, and during that nine years I remained loyal to a T. So after eight years or so I had to come clean I could not take the Smith’s next door any longer, and I was asked to leave. Since then I have paid child support every week and have never missed a payment. I do see my son, not as often as I would like, but we have a good relationship going. There is no drama between my Ex and I or my current wife and Slave.

What I am getting at you can go from Vanilla to a D’s relationship and then back , but I do not think you can go from a D’s relationship to a Vanilla, talk about fucking culture shock.

If you are not happy with your current relationship get the fuck out, even more so if your fucking around. Okay when it comes to women I can somewhat understand the fucking around part. Women tend to be more sensitive than men, women need more attention than men, women are abused more than men, still if your not happy kids or no kids just make an exit.

Men in general are DOGS most will fuck your sister if giving the chance and hope you invite her over for dinner. Men are sexual predators. I remember being over at my ex mother inlaw’s and when she was talking to me, all I was thinking man those Tits have got to be fake, and sure enough they were store bought Tittys.

Finding the right partner from the start, finding someone your compatible with, someone who is open to new things. If you know head and ass is off limits it may not bother you at that moment and time, but six months or a year down the road you will have to have one of them, the answer will still be no, then guess what. Your doing your wife’s sister.

Change never works, not when it comes to a relationship.

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Vile

TPE Total Power Exchange

Posted in 24/7, abuse, anger, Arianna, bdsm, Breaking Rules, children, communication, control, controlling, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Kink, kinky, married, Master, Open Minded, slave, submissive, Total Power Exchange, TPE on August 18, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Not many really understand this concept. I have said this many many times if you are a new Dominant just entering the lifestyle find a good mentor. Actually finding a good mentor can be just as hard as finding a partner in the lifestyle.

Although we each run our house different, rules, and protocols, it is still good to have someone on the outside to get advice from.

There are a few things to consider if your not planning on any kind of mentor. Impact play, where to hit and where not to hit, I have blogged about this type of play and the dangers. Rope bondage if you do not know what you are doing, you can do damage, muscles, and tendons. The last thing we want to do is hurt ours

So your married and both have agreed to enter a TPE relationship this is a huge task even more so if you have already been married for sometime. At first it seems almost like play, and it does take some time to adjust. It does work, but it does take a lot of work to iron everything out. It is much different than two people just meeting seeking the same type of relationship.

Many in the lifestyle do not want this type of relationship, I can understand why, but again I cannot. I cannot see myself as a part time Dominant, or a weekend warrior. TPE does take a great deal of effort on both parties.

The hardest part about the transition is the New Dominant standing firm, and being married for sometime, well can be somewhat difficult. I will explain, many Dominants who are married but their wife is not a submissive. The Dominant feels guilty about asking his wife to do things, or she just refuses. So he decides to step outside of the marriage and find someone who will fulfill his fantasies. These types of relationships are usually short lived, one the submissive grows to attached, two the Dominant is not going to leave his wife and home no matter what he tells you. Remember money over rides pussy. A man who is married with kids and a home is not going to throw everything away over some ass. I would hope you as the submissive are not that shallow minded.

Now I do believe most women are submissive to a point. The fact is most men do not really know what they have, and if they had a clue to what they have they would not know how going about to handle the situation. Those who try and convert their wife usually do it in a controlling and abusive manner.

In theory it is really easy to train someone, or change someones habits. Here is a good example.

Okay all women can leave now, and the men can stay. Okay coast is clear.

You take an object something and place it in plain site, something small but noticeable , everyday you make a comment about the object. Man I like that sitting there. Everyday just out of general conversation. I really like that there. A week maybe two goes by, and when your alone you move the object. You move it to someplace where it can still be seen, but it is now out of place. At some point when your wife or girlfriend sees that the object has been moved, she will pick it up and put it back. Your laughing but I have done this. You have now began the process. You do not have to tell someone what to do,all you have to do is plant a seed, a comment, you may have to plant the same seed several times, but it is the same as you planting the object.

Total power exchange is planting many seeds, you do this in a controlled manner, you do this is a drama free atmosphere. You do this is a stress free atmosphere. The power of suggestion. TPE is not the other giving up full power, you are taking with the power of suggestion. The power of suggestion, falls under consistency, just like speaking about the object everyday, you must remain consistent.

The way we speak goes a long way, the words that come out of our mouth and how we say these words. You speak in a controlled manner.

While going through this transition slight forms of humiliation can be used, this is a reminder of what role your submissive plays in the relationship. Humiliation is a powerful tool if used correctly. What forms of humiliation to use varies from submissive to submissive, usually it is something they hate doing, or something they have refused to do in the past, you know your partner well enough to decide what will and what will not work. Humiliation turns on that submissive switch, and it works fast just like flipping a light switch. Never use humiliation as a form of punishment, unless you have tried everything else. The last thing you want to do is cause any mental harm.

If your going to punish explain why you are punishing, and make the submissive explain what they are going to do to prevent it from happening again. I do not like spanking as a punishment because most subs or slaves enjoy spanking, so your really defeating the purpose.

If the wife or girlfriend agrees to a TPE, that usually means she has had enough, to much on their shoulders. That does not make it a bad thing, at this point and time she just wants to hand over the reins. The problem is many men do not want the responsibility of running the house, even if the female works all of the worlds problem lay on her shoulders.

I have brought this book up before, about how the average housewife could slowly hand over all control. The Surrendered Wife. Avery good book and it gives you all the answers you need, so you can have the ability to pass your plate.

Those who do not understand TPE will say it is about abuse, these are the exact ones who do not want any responsibility. These are the exact ones looking for a Mommy and not a partner.  They want a cook, a house keeper, taxi for the kids, laundry done, pay all the bills, clean house, cut the grass, then they want their dick sucked at night.

TPE requires careful planning between the two, if both agree to such a lifestyle. Your plan should be implemented slowly, a gradual transition, until the male partner has full control. Once in place the female can begin to relax, and concentrate on one thing keeping her man happy.

Really what we are talking about is a few hours a week. It may take a little time to adjust, but once things are moving in the right direction, things will run smooth.

A home with children, a TPE can be very good for the whole family. The children do not have to know the behind the scenes, but what they do see is a well ran machine. What they see is two adults who get along, two adults who respect each other, no arguing or fighting, but most of all the children see mutual respect for both, in the coming years this will not only help your children but it will benefit them as well. They will see how a house is suppose to be ran. I believe there are many more benefits, and the children do not need to know everything.

TPE The female wants to turn over everything mind and body, the mind so to speak, I do not think any of us would not want someone who could not think on their own.

Those who choose this type of relationship meaning the submissive, want to feel needed, be it just doing simple task, or being used sexually no questions asked.

It does take sometime to work out all the kinks within the relationship, it is not going to happen over night and there will be some struggles between to two. TPE is a huge adjustment, before you may argue at times, if you sense an argument then both should stop dead in your tracks and think very deep why the argument started. Most of the time arguments consist of screaming and yelling, then the name calling starts flying which only causes more hurt. STOP AND THINK.

The New Dominant should think before he speaks, even if your going to correct something, listen to how it sounds to yourself, It may not sound so hot, so just maybe you could re-word what you were going to say.

It takes much work on both sides it is not a one way street, both are going to have to give and take.

I don’t mean to bash men all the time, it just so happens I am a male, but some just act really stupid, maybe it is not an act. A lot of men are not open minded , and they just do not understand, nor do they want to understand, when their wife tries to explain their feelings.

Even those who are not in the lifestyle most could expand on their communication skills. I have met people who really knew nothing of their partner. Think about it, it is true.

Just talk to each other, the average couple spends a half hour a week in general conversation. The lack of communication has been the down fall of many relationship.

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Vile

To Add Another Slave

Posted in Arianna, Ass, bdsm, blow job, communication, control, Dominants, In Service Slave, Master, Open Minded, oral sex, owning a slave, Polyamory, pussy, sex, sex slaves, slave, submissive, Triad on July 25, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have posted about this before but I think I will word it different, maybe I can make some sense of it when one needs more than one slave.

Only in the BDSM lifestyle could a Dominant sit his slave down and say hey I would like to add another girl, okay well maybe in a vanilla if the female is that open minded but I think more so in a D’s relationship more so in an M’s relationship.

While it is true in a Gorean house most Master do have multiple slaves, but the difference being Gorean slaves are more service orientated and less sexual. Every Slave has task to complete through out the day. Even cooking each Slave has their own duty so everyone does their part , each is responsible for a dish, even after dinner each has their own clean up.

A D’s or M’s relationship is much different for what ever reason, maybe because most connect BDSM with sex, which it is not suppose to be based on sex, but everyone has their own idea on how a relationship should be ran.

Adding another to a D’s or M’s relationship should be something that both agree on, it should be something that both want. . If your a Dominant and your relationship is running smoothly but then you get this idea hey I want another Slave, you could very well fuck up a good thing, your Slave may speak like she is receptive to your brain storm, and the idea that your excited over, deep inside your Slave is fuming.

If you sit back and look and you think you have the perfect Slave but then you want to add another, even though your Slave agrees deep inside the Slave will feel inadequate , the Slave will feel like they are not good enough, like they can no longer please.

The other thing is your Slave could say sure you can have another but I am out of here do want you want. You cannot stop them from leaving. They could agree and still want want a third but will stick around because they need the structure and guidance, and at that point and time a secure home.

To me a reason to add another Slave would be to take some of the load off of your Slave, you can overload someone with to much responsibility causing a crash. Most think of a Slave as a house keeper, cook, and then sex.

Under the right circumstances I may at some point consider another Slave, I just cannot think of a valid reason. I get anything I want and then some. I take up some of the slack at times, I cook sometimes, I try to pickup behind myself. It is not Arianna place to pick up my socks. I am not even sure if Arianna brought up the idea I would be open to the subject.

So the Dom wants to add another, you know a M’s relationship is much different than a vanilla. A Dom get a M’s relationship gets anything they want without question. Pussy is Pussy, Ass is Ass.

If one Slave was going to be used for more service taking a load off of your Slave that may be somewhat different, in that sense that just might be a relief to your Slave, but to bring one in just because you need more flavor, you could really fuck up a good thing. You can yell and scream all you want as they are walking out the door, then your back to square one. You still only have one slave.

I am not even sure if I would want the responsibility of two, one is really a handful then to add another I just don’t know like I said the circumstances would have to be right, and I do not know what would change my mind.

You like watching girl on girl, yea nothing hotter than watching a chick go down on another, while my slave is really not into women if it was something I wanted she would, but why would I want to force something that is not really wanted.

If you do want to add another, it is up to the Dom to find another Slave not your Slave. The Dom should take on this task. In personal adds you see Doms looking for another but in his post he has pics of his Slave. Very very tacky.

Meeting the second should not be about sex. You should allow the two to get to know each other, become friends, hangouts , shop together. It is very important the two get along.

If all three agree to such a relationship you sit down and talk about how things are going to be. This sounds harsh but needs to be said. You are number two, you will always be number two nothing will change that, if you try to come between you are on the outside looking in. Then and only then if the third agrees you can step forward.

If your current Slave works full time and your wanting to take some weight off of their shoulders that could be a valid reason, or you as the Dom could step up and give a helping hand.

On the other side what if your Slave who is female wanted another male to become the third, the Dom would go nuts. There is noway he would allow such a thing, but we tend to look at things one sided.

Think very hard before adding a third, you could fuck up a good thing or it could be awesome. Do you want to take that chance.

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Vile

Is Old Guard Real ?

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, Alt.com, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, Breaking Rules, Collar, Collarme.com, communication, control, controlling, Conversation, Discipline, Dominants, dress, Dress Protocol, Ego, etiquette, events, Gorean lifestyle, Gorean Master, Gorean Portocol, Honesty, Kink, kinkster, kinky, Leather Guard, Master, Masters, morals, munchs, Old Guard, Old Leather Guard, older Dominants, Open Minded, Private Protocol, Protocol, Protocol public, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Self-Discipline, slave, submissive, TPE on July 24, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Many of the new today will argue that Old Guard is just a Myth, it never was and never will be. When in fact I do believe and have spoken to elders who were a part of Old Guard, in the late 60’s through the early 80’s

Old Guard refers to the leather community mainly the gay community. I myself am not into the leather scene, nor am I a part of any leather family since most have blown the protocol way out of text. In my eyes a lack of respect of what use to be.

Most of the Leather Family’s today are known as pansexual , you can google that. Unlike Old Guard, today’s Leather family’s welcome most anyone, without even really knowing anything about them. In the Old Guard days there were strict rules and Protocols to be followed. The Old Guard was a closed community and you had to become a member. Before membership was allowed one had to learn all rules and protocols and follow them, if not you got the boot.

Over the years we have strayed, we have lost the meaning of BDSM and it has falling more into just a kink, a past time, weekend warriors, bedroom only. Which is okay but the problem is everyone is right, no one is wrong. When someone hears how a slave or submissive lives they are just blown away and cannot believe they would allow someone to treat them a certain way.

It is not that a slave or submissive in today’s times are part of or believe in Old Guard, they just fall into their Dominants ways of doing things. Being strict, having rules, even protocols both public and private is perfectly okay, when there is no physical or mental abuse involved.

It is not that we take the lifestyle differently some are just more serious than others when it comes to the world of D’s and M’s. How Master Joe runs his house is on him, I do not and will not judge.

Back in the day a Dominant had to make his way through the ranks, there were steps that had to be taking. If a submissive or bottom had more experience than the Dom the sub out ranked the Dom, yea sounds weird. The problem is today’s Dominants want to start out as president they are right and everyone else is wrong.

Unlike today back in the Old Leather Guard there were dress codes, and they were enforced. Arianna and I have attended some local groups and I cannot believe they way some of the sub/slaves come dressed, more so the way their master allows them out of the house. Arianna has pointed out how mouthy some are, how she cannot believe how some disrespect their Doms.

Today it would be almost impossible to put together an exclusive group for meetings or teachings because of how BDSM  has branched out. Most groups come and go because of a dictatorship or just huge egos. Most people today are close minded when it comes to how others live as well

Old Guard when in a social setting it was the Dominant with the most experience who led the conversation, on the other side if the bottom had more experience they led the conversation, if equal the Dom was giving the go ahead.

When walking the submissive walked one or two steps behind, remember you are not equal in a sense. A Dominant would never think of hugging or shaking the hand of a submissive, nor would the submissive make direct eye contact, though the Dominant would. A Dominant would never think of touching another who was owned and collard, there was a respect thing.

Protocols is a lost art today, but what I expect if out in public a Dominant or Submissive should not assume anything. A Dominant should not just walk up to a submissive and strike up a conversation, they same with a submissive. It is however proper and okay to ask. Some couples have no protocols at all, nor do they wish to, this is where the lack of respect comes into play when it comes to what others believe. I have had people say they could never live like Arianna nor would they want to. What we have as a Master and Slave is very unique and special.

Old Guard when a Dominant was being served there were two ways, one palm out and flat drink on palm, the other the sub would kneel head down and arms extended making the offering. Depending on the protocol the sub could either leave or had to ask permission.

Those who play on the internet who belong to sites such as Collarme.com Alt.com BDSM.com and so on generally stay on those sites with very little real in person interaction, those who get lucky enough to find a submissive or Slave generally fuck it up because they have no real clue what a in person interaction is. It does not take long for the Submissive to realize they have been played. The so called Dominant will generally put the blame of the submissive when it comes to the relationship not working.

When I speak about myself at times I mention old school, and not old guard. Old School just means I hold certain values when it comes to the lifestyle, I give and expect respect. I set my life to a certain standard as I do with my Slave. I expect when out my slave is giving the up most respect and she will do the same in return.

So in closing I think we should all get back to the basics when it comes to the lifestyle. Yes we do need rules, yes we do need guidelines, yes we do need dress codes, yes we do need protocols. More so we do need to respect others.

Coming in at the top of those who truly live the lifestyle with the fullest respect are those of the Gorean lifestyle. If you should ever have the honor of meeting a Gorean Master or Slave you would be truly amazed. Old Leather Guard probably not since the lifestyle is based on a line of books, but the lifestyle is very strict and respected by many. I am not saying everyone should live the Gorean way, but if you study up on it, it will give you a way different out look and perspective of their lifestyle.

We should all come together as one, and set standards, keep the lifestyle proud, keep the fakers out. It could be done.

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Vile

So You Want To Be A Slave

Posted in 128 Basic rules, 24/7, abuse, Advice, bdsm, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Conversation, Discipline, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fantasy, Giving Head, Love, Master, Masters, Molding, molding your slave, Open Minded, oral, oral sex, Patience, pleasure, poly, Punishment, relationships, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, serve, sex, sex slaves, slave, Spanking, submissive, sucking dick, Total Slavery, TPE, training your slave, your own pet on March 21, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I did not write this article , it gives you the first glimpse into a slaves transition, into the life of a slave. I did email her to ask If I may use but the mail was returned as an account that had been expired but will still give her all the credit where it is due.

The truth be known many women, dream of the chance to be able to give up full control. Many women dream of being controlled, being used for ones pleasure, but you have the communication problem.

Many men for what ever reason shy away from such a relationship, and many look at it as a form of abuse. I posed the question to a guy I know. What if you could just snap your fingers and a bitch would drop to her knees to suck your cock? His answer was no. What about a relationship where you are in complete control, and there is no arguing. His answer was no.

There are a few of you who email Arianna on a regular basis. She will tell you in the five months we have known each other and been together we have never had an argument, I have never raised my voice towards her. In five months I have only punished her twice, one was corner time, and although I do not generally spank for punishment, I felt it was needed, so I spanked her while she was completing a task. With each movement she felt the belt across her ass unto she was finished. I do not like to punish, I truly feel bad, and somewhat guilty. I believe as long as you have strong communication, and the Dominant stays consistent punishment is not needed. When I explain something I go into great detail, not leaving any doors closed so the slave has a full understanding of what I expect.

So you step into the life of a slave. This should be a slow moving transition. We begin by implementing a few rules. Such as bath time, bed time, If you impose to many rules at once you can cause a crash. What we want is for the slave to excel. If you had the slave 128 rules, you are setting her up for failure. Thus all your work is down the drain and you have to start at the beginning  again.

You must take the time out to get to know the slave, her likes and dislike, food, drinks, favorite colors, her clothes, which you will probably change.

When out to eat, the first thing you do is order her food, do not ask what the slave wants just order, the same with the drink. You are slowly taking freedom away. You are slowly taking the control the slave once had.

You may want to pick a hair style, a hair color, new nail polish if any, lipstick. You are now molding a slave to fit your needs be it domestic or sexual.

This is something I have never understood. I have a very good friend who is a Dom, his magic number for slaves to live with him is four. Why would one need four. You find one slave you have a lot in common with, and you mold her to fit your needs. Dress, cook, clean, how you like your cock sucked, how you like to fuck. Someone you have awesome communication with. Why would you need more than one? The thing about the lifestyle is everyone is different, and we all have different needs or is it just ego?

I myself being in a micromanaged relationship I do not have time for another, all of my time is consumed with one. On the other hand my rewards are well I cannot even begin to explain. Although sex is not on top of the list it is there for my taking.  When and where and how I want it no questions asked.

I wish I had wrote this article it is really good, I hope you enjoy it…

So You Want To Be A Slave: The Realities
By miria hunter
miria_hunter@softhome.net

<miria_hunter@softhome.net>: host a.mx.softhome.net[66.54.152.4] said: 550
    account expired (in reply to RCPT TO command)

I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don’t wish to ruin anyone’s dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It’s everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme’s or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.

First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.

Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a “maybe”. Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don’t agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else’s dreams of how it should be.

Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal.

Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Master who’s collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of music that you don’t enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, “permitted to”. Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere anything! Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and scents you wouldn’t be caught without? If your Master doesn’t approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? I am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going someplace special.

Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be “your” car or “your” clothes, but “His”, on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be HIS choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.

You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.

It’s been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won’t be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when HE tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an “I am too tired” or “I don’t feel well”: nothing of the kind. Unless your Master has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.

Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Him at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse “not tonight dear, I have a headache” doesn’t work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of the moment for you as well. NEVER make your Master feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Master tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question His authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.

Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn’t do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Master. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.

How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won’t know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.

Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won’t be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master’s wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow complete assignments made by your Master will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can’t do something, simply, you can’t. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him doesn’t make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what you don’t know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple “white lie” can destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.

As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure all your “needs” are taken care of, but the “wants” will be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.

In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember – physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget – the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you.

As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master. He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things – you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness should come from serving Him and His being happy.

As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Master.

Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Masters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. He will become bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.

You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.

It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Masters collar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life – nothing will remain yo urs. Being a slave means giving up so much more than you would if you were only being submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn’t just a word; it’s a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.

Rick’s miria

Copyright 2000 miria hunter

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Vile.