What It Takes To Be A Dominant

I really enjoy perving Fetlife at times , jut to see what everyone else is thinking  or complaining about or trying to give advice. The ones who carry all of the worlds knowledge of course are those who are single and have never been in a D’s  or M’s relationship.

You are either a Dominant or your not , your either a Master or your not. Each has a different foot print in the lifestyle..

Being called a Dominant or Master comes with great responsibility , we must be able to step up to the plate we called and we should be available 24/7 without question more so if you do not live together.

I believe we should be leaders in the community reaching out to others , helping others in time of need , this statement is just my personal belief.

When we look at a Dominant we look at Honesty , one who has high Morels , integrity , a Leader at home or while out.

When our property is out we have standards we expect them to follow. We are a direct reflection of their training. We should be held to the same standards.

Anger issues seems to be a problem running through the new lifestyle, when I speak of the new lifestyle I am speaking of the new generation.

Definition of the word Submissive.

inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another; unresistingly or humbly obedient:

Definition of the word Slave in BDSM Terms..

A slave is an individual who relinquishes all of his or her power to a dominant partner in a BDSM total power exchange relationship. Generally, slaves are considered to be the property of their owners in the BDSM community and not people. They must be subservient to their partners, ask permission before they do anything, and be available for sexual activities whenever it is requested. In addition, slaves are often subject to punishment if they deviate from their duties.

Now with the above definitions please explain to me where the anger issues come into play ?

While it is true in most BDSM relationships more so new ones there will be some if not a lot of resistance , been there done that, but what I learned as a experienced Dominant or Master by staying calm and communication you are able to control the situation in a more of an adult manner.

Making everything clear to the submissive or slave , if you give a rule explain it in detail. Explain what the rule is for and why you as the Dominant will bring improvement into their life.

If your upset explain why your upset and what can be done to fix the situation. Every time a rule is broken does not constitute punishment , this is where communication play a huge role in the relationship. Why was the rule broken ? What can be done to insure it does not happen again ?

You as the Dominant or Master has complete control , you have someone who cooks , cleans , dresses the way you want , lays on their back when told, gets on their knees when told and many times takes what ever pain you feel you need to give.

So why would you as a leader , a Dominant or Master stand toe to toe and argue with your property ? Why would you want to lose control ? Each time you lose control , scream , yell , call names , what happens is you start to lose respect and with that you start to lose control and your relationship will dive out of control and there will be no way to regain the loss.

Think about it you are arguing with someone who submits to you it make no sense.

So you can be a Dominant , you can be a Master but with both titles comes a great deal of responsibility .  In order to have a successful D’s or M’s relationship you are going to have to give up a great deal of your time, and be dedicated to your relationship.

Although kink plays a huge part , sex beyond your wildest dreams that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Getting in the mind , if we break down the letters in BDSM it seems to be more physical , but the foundation is the mental aspect , it is about getting in the mind and once inside there is no limit as to how high you can fly. If you have the mental control the physical comes natural.

You the submissive , the slave the baby girl , the pet you have a couple of goals in mind. To be safe , be with someone who will accept you for you, someone who will not judge or try to change you. You need the security knowing someone cars about you , someone who will communicate , but most of all someone who has your best interest in mind.

 

 

Trust And BDSM

Trust is a huge need in our lifestyle. Without trust you cannot fully submit , you can submit but not fully. Your body and actions can submit but your mind cannot. If your mind cannot submit there is noway of knowing what the feeling is or what the meaning of submission is.

I have an awesome hobby and that is my awesome freshwater planted aquariums. I have a 60 Gallon aquarium and a 55 Gallon that Arianna set up for me.

In my 60 gallon I have a few very unique fish. Two Baby Whales an Elephant Nose , and my Black Ghost Knife.
The fish are not only unique but they are not for the novice Aquarist , which is a mistake I made first starting out , but it turned out I was pretty lucky, because all are going on a year now and growing a becoming more active.

All of the fish are very docile so I have to be careful what i add to the tank.

It was some 6 months those 4 fish would hide and only come out for feeding then back to hiding, so for some time they were not that enjoyable….

The last month has there has been so many changes , now the 4 of them are out all day.

The other day I called Arianna into the living room , and I put my hand in the tank near the top and the two Baby Whales and the Elephant nose came to the top and they allowed me to touch them.

Then again this am I called Arianna in and I had a cube of blood worms in my hand and all 4 and my two clown Loaches were eating from my hand, which is really cool to watch.

As far as freshwater fish got all 4 of those fish are highly intelligent and can even be trained.

I have planted the aquariums with all live plants , the plants help keep the water in check but they also add beauty to the tank.
What I felt was important was , I wanted to try and duplicate their environment , with plants , rocks , and driftwood.

The plants , rocks and driftwood also provide a secure place for them to hide. It has a very natural setting and really makes them feel at home.

In the process I also purchased what are called schooling fish , white clouds, some neon tetras and a few others.
The first week they are stuck together and it really looked awesome and it was really relaxing to just sit back and watch them move through the water.

One night I was sitting and just watching, I had turned off the lights in the living room so I could truly enjoy the view , and I noticed something really odd.

As I sat there and watched none of the fish were schooling they were all doing there own thing. Swimming around moving in and out of the plants and driftwood.
Sitting there and looking I was somewhat confused , and I thought something was wrong.

So I jump on Google , which is my second best friend , and started doing research , not really finding anything , I called someone I know who owns a local pet store , mostly fish and I was telling him what was going on.
After a few seconds of silence he started talking. You my friend have the perfect environment , you have created a home.
What is more important they feel safe , they do not feel threatened in anyway and the only reason fish school is so they can protect each other.

That is the same with my 4 buddy’s allowing me to pet them they trust me. That is the same reason they no longer hide they trust me and they trust their environment.

The same was when I sat up my 55 Gallon this is before I called my friend.
Arianna and went to a pet store and I purchased white clouds and neons because the tank was in my office and it would be relaxing to watch during work.
A week into adding the fish I turned and looked and I was like what the fuck? There was not one fish that was schooling , that is when I made the call.

Okay so what am I getting at ? Where am I going with this ? What is the point in me talking about my hobby ?

In our lifestyle trust is everything , because without trust you have nothing. If you do not have trust your relationship cannot grow and you will never reach the full potential of your submission. Meaning you will lose out on a lot, you will not see yourself grow inside or out.

In order to reach that level of trust you have to have honest and open communication.
Once you have gained the level of trust , and the Dominant has earned your trust your travel them begins.
You will have the need to submit and not just the want. You will have the need to serve and you will have the need to grow.

That is what you want out of a relationship , that is what you need out of the relationship.

I have said many times communication is the key and the base of the relationship , but Trust also plays a major factor in your growth.

Trust knowing the one you are following is going to lead you down the right path. Trust knowing the one your with is going to respect your limits. Trust is knowing you will not be hurt mentally or physically.
Trust is knowing your number one and will remain number one.

Arianna and I went out and I was looking for a new ecig battery ,and during the conversation I started asking questions about the liquid he was selling.
I was truly interested in one of the batteries he had , then he opened his mouth and started lying to me, and I knew it , but I just stood there listening to what he had to say.
At the end of the conversation I thanked him for his time and I left without buying anything.

I have a one strike process , not the standard three you get while playing baseball.
The problem with giving three strikes you usually end up giving another then another, and another.

If a man hits you once , he will do it again , and again. If he calls you a stupid whore out of anger he will do it again and again. If he cheats on you then yes he will do it again and again.

I have a statement I live by. An angry mans words is a calm mans thoughts. so if he gets angry and starts yelling and belts out you stupid whore , those words did not just come to mind , he has thought of those words before.

You can love and not trust , you love because you need the companionship , you also the security. You can love well sorta love and not enjoy being with that one.

Vile

Depression And BDSM

You know I have been down and out in my life. I have hit rock bottom and crawled back up dusted myself off and hit the trail , not really worrying about where I was going , but making sure I did not repeat the same mistakes.
By the grace of who ever I have never been homeless, I have always managed to stay a float.

I remember i was 13 I am guessing , and when I woke up a bright light was shinning in my eyes. It was the police , and my parents had been in a huge fight , a fight that got pretty physical.
So my brother and I were taking to a foster home and we were there for about a week before being allowed to go home.

This was not something that was unusual , as a matter of fact it happened pretty often.

Although I was popular in school , some of the kids started talking about me because I had been wearing the same pair of pants for half of the year. I knew something had to be done.

We had a small restaurant across the street so I went and talked to the owner about washing dishes.
At 13 I worked from 3.30 pm until roughly 10pm on the weekends 11pm. Yup I was making 2.35 an hour.
The funny thing was it took almost a month for my parents to even know I was missing at night, and once they found out they wanted a cut.
Yea I am thinking not. I did however pay the power bill to get the lights turned back on, we had gone most of the winter without heat or hot water.

So in about two months my closet was full again, jeans , shirts dingo boots , yea I was pretty well set.

At the age of 15 I went to work at the local cotton mill, and I went from 2.35 an hour to 4.25 union wages ha ha ha.
On top of that I still continued to go to school and I made 170 bucks a week , and I had a plan it was just putting everything into place.
At the cotton mill I ran a huge denim sewing machine, it was about 15 feet wide and as long and when it was threaded it had 800 single threads making one huge white sheet of denim before being dyed. It was a total bitch if a thread popped.

At 15 I knew I was changing I had started dating and this is when the rough sex came into play.
I had read most of the smut books my dad had bought from local truck stops and they are all pretty violent. Girls gagging on 14 inch cocks being fucked up the ass, just all about humiliation. Okay so I thought we this must be the norm although I did not have a 14 inch cock.
As you guess I did not date to much, my pickens were far and few between, well I had Beverly but so did everyone else then a girl named shannon. I had a different level of respect for her so she was treated different than Beverly.

Then I turned 17 and a Army recruiter came to out high school one day and I was in.
My plan was coming together , I made the appointment took all the test , brought home the paper work and after dinner one night I told my parents I had to take summer school and I had some forms they had to sign to approve it.
Bam 2 signatures and I was ready to go. I was now in the United States Army.

The 14th of October I turned 17 , while upstairs packing my dad walked in and asked me what I was doing.

I said you know , its been nice , well not really but I am out of here, I just cannot live like you two do any longer. So it is time for me to say goodbye I hope things get better.
The shit hit the fan, well it to late you and mom already signed the paper work I am leaving today and Ill be at Fort Dix New Jersey tomorrow.
If you take one step towards me it will be the first time in your life a 17 year old beat your ass , now back the fuck off.

Well at the hotel downtown Atlanta I was told I was put on hold because I was 4 pounds under weight, fucking go figure. So for three days the army stuffed me with food.
Then on my way via train , and I had no idea what I was about to walk into.

I had started smoking pot around the age of 15 , that is before the scales got fucked up in the mid 80’s. I was living the dream , well what I thought was the dream. I tried to smoke all the weed in the world but I could never catch up.
The kicker was I managed to work and go to school. Although I knew a lot of people I had very few friends , that was mainly due to not trusting anyone.
You can learn so much from just watching and listening to your parents. It made me wonder why two people who seemed to hate each other so much would stay married.

I started people watching as a teen and I would just observe , and listen , wondering if their home life was as fucked up as mine. Little did I know this would help me read people.

Once out of the Army that is where my life really started to get out of control.
I was still smoking pot , my drinking was out of control and I was taking pills. You could hand me anything and I would take. I did not care what it was , I just wanted to get high.

My first job out of the Army was making parachutes for sky diving teams. The pay was awesome but my work ethics were not. That job was short lived. Missing work and the quality of my production.

The next year I jumper from minimum wage job to minimum wage job , trying to make ends meet.
Fired once again and now nearly homeless because I knew no one , I decided to head to Florida.

1989 I loaded my 1967 cougar GT and headed to Florida. Once in a hotel reading the local paper a job caught my eye. Maintenance engineer wanted industrial laundry , hmm now that sounds interesting.
So I spent the next few days putting my fake resume together. Instead of Air Defense in the Army , I was now an electrical Engineer who had worked at power plants.
I went to the interview, got the job and I gave a starting date of about three weeks later.

I spent the next three weeks getting cleaned up. I stopped drinking , no more pills , and no more weed dammit.
Standing on the beach at sunrise I came to the conclusion there has to come a time when you have to grow up. I was no longer 17 and I wanted more, and I knew there was more out of life than just getting fucked up.

A week into my new job the head engineer called me in the office , as I sat down he said you little lying fucker. All I could do is just sit there.
He looked at my resume and asked me if there was anything on the paper that was true, and my reply was my name and address.
I was thinking well here it comes but he said look I like you and I am going to keep you on but you will have to show you want to stay here and learn.
Three years later I was transferred to collegedale Tennessee as the head engineer of a industrial laundry facility. The only bad part was the facility sat right on a seventh day Adventist college. How fucked up can that be ?

I had never had so much pussy in my life , I was banging someone different every week.
Then came the day I was called in the office and I was questioned about my sexual activity which was really none of their business well besides being employees.

So shortly after I left and back to florida Back to daytona, still working for the same company but moved into a tracker trailer position, yup they sent me to truck driving school.

It did not take me long to realize I was against any type of manual labor, and my driving career was very short lived.

News paper add read Call Center Manager for major financial institution, hmm interesting. This meant new resume and a better one.

Us Army Director of Communications Ft Ord California , who were they going to call The base had been shut down, so I moved right into my office with about 350 employes under me. By this time the internet was alive and I spent hours researching my newly found job and spent the next 5 years there until the closing of the center.

The moral of the story above you can do anything. Just as Sir Richard Branson said , if your asked if you can do something , you always say yes then you learn how to do it.

Now on to Depression. I am not a medical Doctor nor am I am shrink , although I do believe many Dominants would make better shrinks. One thing we do well and very well is listen.

We not only listen we communicate very well , be it with our partner or out in the general public. As Dominants we tend to be in control more , not only with our emotions but our thoughts our anger, our surroundings.

We tend to be more in control , we love structure we love putting plans together. We love challenges, we love our minds being put through the test. I myself I crave solving problems, but like most Dominants we solve problems before they become a problem.
Putting something off becomes a problem so we or I handle things before hand.
I love being told I cant do something, I love being told something is impossible to do.

As Dominants we provide a stable environment, as Dominants we provide stability. As Dominants we provide structure, As Dominants we provide Love and communication. As Dominants we provide rules that will help structure ones life so our property may grow and continue to grow. As a Dominant we provide positive reinforcement. As a Dominant we provide advice and we solve problems.

Our role is just not in the bedroom, our role is not just about kink, our role is just not about punishing.
Our role as a Dominant is to lead and we have to earn enough respect so you will want to follow.

The CDC says An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression.
I myself believe that number is probably twice if not three times higher,
the one in ten are those that are reported. I am sure there are many more that do not go report and people just live with suffering on a daily basis..

Okay so this is where some controversy is going to come into play and I am not trying to offend anyone here, and again this is just my opinion and I am basing my opinion on about 22 or 23 years in the lifestyle.

There are many who are submissive and slave who suffer from depression and other medical issues such as bi-polar , anxiety , it goes on and on, and most are on medications.
I did not say every submissive or slave so do not go putting words in my mouth, I said there are many.

The above is looking for everything I described above , the structure , security , the freedom of open communication , stability you get the picture.

If your Dominant suffers from any of the illnesses I mentioned , you are doing more harm to him than good. He has enough on his shoulders keeping his life straight without having to keep someone else in check.

As a Master who is Married to my Slave I now have two to look out for not just one. I make all of the decisions so what ever I decide effects both of us not just me.

A Dominant has to have the ability to think clear and be able to stay on a level emotional playing field.
Many Dominants who suffer from depression have a very low self esteem as with the novice Dominant I spoke about the other day.

The blog was I wish I was A Better Dominant.

Now if your in the relationship just for the kink, the sex and being spanked hey have at it, but a Dominant who suffers from depression can in noway provide a stable home with structure.

I have never at one time stated, Oh I wish I could be a better Dominant , I wish I was who you need. Those words have never come out of my mouth and they never will.

Adding that type of pressure to someone who has such an illness , is setting someone up for failure.

I am held accountable for my actions and I will admit my wrong doings. EH when and if it ever happens.
I am not cocky , I am no arrogant , I am not stuck on myself , I am confident.

If your looking to enter a D’s or M’s relationship and your looking for a Dominant that is one of the first questions you need to ask.
Do you suffer from any type of depression ? Do you have anger Issues ? Do you have drug or alcohol issues ?

If you the submissive or slave feels uncomfortable asking any of the above then you are not ready for a relationship.

If you suffer from any form of depression and your Dominant suffers from depression , how does that work ?

Those who do suffer from depression or even bi-polar you are not broken you just need a Dominant who has true patience. You need someone who is willing to dedicate enough time to allow you to grow.
You need someone who is going to understand your ups and downs. You need someone who is there to communicate with you , but knows when you need space.
Your in need of guidance and compassion , someone who understands you. More so someone who understands your limits, the train of thought pushing you over that edge.

Arianna had a break down right after we had met , but I knew if I invested time and I stuck with her through her bad times in the end it would pay off and today I am standing on top of the world.
I found Arianna a new doctor , a full change of meds and I go to her appointments with her and I speak up because I know she will not.

I have a very structured home, and to date we have not had an argument and that is due to our communication.

You need to change your game , before we would give someone three strikes and I see three strikes as being to many chances.

If you let someone run over you once they will do it again and again. If you let someone abuse you be it physical , mental or verbal they will do it again and again and again.

The new Dominant should be asking questions as well, your health , mental and physical. He should want to know everything about you inside and out.

In many cases sucking cock comes up first, do you take it up the ass ? Are you Bi ? Then you know your best interest is not in mind.

Depression effect people in different ways , but you all get those highs and lows, understanding you makes a huge difference.

You should want not only the world but everything on it.

You can be happy with depression in any relationship if you are in caring hands.

Vile

I wish I Was A Better Dominant

I am sure many of you have heard these words or similar. I wish I was a better Daddy , I wish I was a better Master , or Dominant.

These words come from a novice who has bitten off more than he can chew. He has stepped out of the frying pan into the fire.

A middle aged man waking up one morning after finding ALT.com or some other BDSM site, now he wants to step into that relationship really knowing nothing about the lifestyle. He now wants to control someone , impose rules , look for reasons to punish, yell and bark orders , make demands you are not sure you can do , or possibly get into trouble.
He now wants to isolate you, keep you from family and friends.

The novice has been in the lifestyle now for 10 years or this is what he is telling you. He has trained many , and the relationship has failed because they lied to him, they were not real , they were fakes.

Your needy and he is greedy sounds familiar yes? He takes and takes and you give and give, but you get nothing in return.

A novice a week into the lifestyle is not the Grand Master of Masters , the Lord the Grand Pooba.

On your knees bitch suck your Masters cock, I will train you just keep sucking. I own you, and you have only known each other for a couple of hours.

This is the Dominant you can tell nothing because he knows everything. This is the Dominant when the relationship falls apart it is your fault , you did it, you were not true , how dare you lie about your submission.

You know a couple of months ago I tried giving someone advice and he laughed at me.
He then sent me a friend request on Facebook , so I excepted. A month went by and nothing not a word so I then deleted him.
Then out of the blue I get a Message saying let me know when you can talk, as in making some kind demand , like he was making time for me. He is now blocked.

The novice is like a leach it will suck the blood out of you until you pick it off and throw it away.

I am far from perfect , I have and would never claim I know all. What I know has taking me years to learn not months or weeks but years.

He wants his cock sucked but the minute you become needy or he finds out your codependent he wants no part of you.
You need to grow up , your acting childish , I am not going to put up with your games , that is right your now a game , and in the end the break up is your fault and your fault only.

If the Dominant cannot control his own life , his own problems , his own drama , how in the fuck is he going to help or control you. If his life is a complete fucking mess , you have to think what can he bring to the table to help me ?

The novice Dominant will lose their temper at the drop of a hat. You are now the stupid bitch , your a cunt , your making his life so fucking miserable. He cannot train you because your a fake your not real. He will scream and scream then he will come crawling back with his tail between his legs begging you to take him back.

I wish I was a better Dominant , I wish I was a better Master or Daddy , these are the words of a novice and a idiot. He has stepped into someones shoes and they do not fit.

You the submissive in the end are the one in charge , you are running the relationship and you are faking your submission.

All you have to do is think.

Vile

Goals In BDSM

We should all have goals in life and we as Dominants or Masters need to set goals for our property being Submissive or Slave.

The goals come from training , and again this is just my point of view , what works for me may not work for another Dom.

What makes our world so awesome is we can be who we want when we want. Our level of communication is just incredible.

As with anything though we all have to take steps. A new Dominant or Master has to take steps, it is a progression progress.

Where things blow up or get out of hand , an inexperienced Dom tries to jump in with both feet in the fire and it blows up in his face.

Just as we set goals for our property we have to set our own goals for us.
Where do we want to be? What type of relationship do we want ? Do we want a submissive or a slave? Where do we want to be a year from now ?
These are steps that we need to think about before we start walking. Yes that even means putting a plan into place and following that plan.

What is more important is when you set your goals you stick to them , and one by one you complete each goal, it is not rocket science and it is much easier than most make it out to be.
The downside of everything is it takes work because nothing is handed to you, no one can complete your goals for you.

So you can look and act like you know what your doing or you can look like a complete idiot.

Our partners , our submissive’s our Slaves should always come first no matter what. We put those who serve in front of everything else or anybody else and that includes family.

Honesty and integrity first and for most , we want respect but we have to show it first. We must be truthful from the start. If you start out your relationship with a lie then your whole relationship is a lie , and you can never go back.

One of the first things we tell someone we just met is , you must always be truthful, always tell the truth no matter what. We want honesty out of our property but we don’t want to give the same in return. Although one is Dominant and one is Submissive it is not a one way street.

Rules , Structure , Protocols and Goals they all fall into place. They key to what I just stated also falls under consistency , and being consistent on a daily basis.

You want someone to follow you , you want someone to submit to you , you want someone to turn over control, well buddy you gotta step up to the plate and promise you can and will step up and you will guide them every step of the way..

When we train we train to fit our needs, we train to fit our wants so it is only fair we give back more than we take. If we take a 100 % we should give back 150% and on a daily basis.

Goals are set for self improvement , goals are set to help in everyday life. Goals can be small or as big as going back to school.
Goals can be from getting up at a certain time, completing small task through out the day.

All goals should be met with positive reinforcement, that a girl , maybe some other small reward.

Some not all but some come with problems , be it self esteem , home life , daily life or just smothered in personal problems, maybe depression or other types of illnesses.
Before anything we should take the time to help mend what ever is going on before we enter the D’s or M’s aspect of the relationship.

The two should sit down and discuss goals and why they are needed. Goals how ever should not be a punishable offense. Goals and positive Reinforcement does not equal being punished.

You know I have spoken about how I had roommates prior to meeting Ariannna. I did so mainly because I wanted the company someone I could sit down to dinner with.

One the female who is a very dear friend was and is very sick, and suffers from depression, a lot of things going on. She head no insurance not physically able to work, so I set goals for her.

I walked her through each and every process. First I got her the medical attention she needed , I then made sure she went to counseling , medication for her depression , then a lawyer and last disability. All of these were goals and they were started and completed.
In the end she messed somethings up and lost some , but in a way it was her fault and in a way it was not.
Her Boyfriend is worthless , he is like a screen door on a submarine , he gives no support , did not even care until the day she was receiving her check from SSI.
Helping her is more of a burden to him not to mention the mental abuse.
I did what I felt I had to , and while there were road blocks we completed each task , until things fell into place.

If we set goals then we should be there to help , we should be there to guide , and give advice when needed.
You cannot treat a goal like a rule , because it is no longer a goal. Goals are meant for self improvement.
What we as Dominants or Masters want is to see ours grow inside and out, we want to build ours up , even if it means just maintaining their health , making sure they are stable.

Once you reach that goal you need to continue support, so we can maintain that level , and again that comes with positive reinforcement.

So if you are in a relationship and there are no such plans in play , and your relationship is just about rules and being punished , then maybe your best interest does not come into play…..

Vile

Dominant Support Group

I was actually reading a post from a Fetlife group and it caught my attention. I felt a need to share because it has a lot of good information.
The group unlike others is active but could use a few more members.

https://fetlife.com/groups/20948

I emailed the moderator last night to make sure it would be okay to re-post the topic and it is.

I believe having such a group can be of great importance , lets face it we do not have all the answers , and sometimes just hearing something from someone else can give us the boost that is needed.

To date there are times I need advice but my circle of people I can trust is growing smaller by the day.
I also do not want anything shared on CNN or Fox News so you have to be careful with whom you share your information with.

Sometime ago while at a local munch a slave I was living with was talking to other females, and this Dom was listening and he called my slave to the side telling her what I was doing was wrong.

She came to me and explained what she had done and she also explained what the other Dom had told her.
So me being me I confronted him. I first told him it was very disrespectful to call my property to the side and consult with her , I also explained he had no idea how my HOUSE was ran. He had no idea about our relationship.
I went deeper and I told him to keep his cock sucker shut , and next time would not be very pleasant.
What made things bad he was single and had been single since Mary gave birth. So he was trying to make me out to be the bad guy and he was going to rescue her. Fucking WOW!!!!!!

Some Dominants and Masters tend to be ego driven, they tend to want to share there know it all knowledge. Every fucking body is wrong it is there way or noway, and most of these guys are single. They want what someone else has , because they cannot find their own for what ever reason.

So a Dominant support group , a Dominant round table , a very good idea.

It is not everyday I pimp someone but I do from time to time if I believe the cause is good, and this so far has turned out to be an okay group.

In our world today as Dominants and Masters there comes a time when we need to be able to turn to someone.
I am not sure about others but I do know there are times I need to speak with someone and the truth is I really have no one to talk to.

Many Dominants do not understand our relationship or how I am able to maintain it. There are many who believe I am to strict as well , and I have even heard I am unethical.

One of the problems are , although we are suppose to be open minded and non judgmental when it comes to the lifestyle this is so far from the truth.

Because everyone is right but at the same time everyone is wrong. You don’t know what your doing. You are clueless about the lifestyle.

This goes back to what I have been saying for over two years now.
We are all different , every Submissive or Slave has different needs, personality’s are different , the different levels of structure , or rules that are needed.
Then you have those who are just in it for the kink, these are the ones who are the quickest to past judgement on someone.

I have talked about how if your meeting a New Dominant it is very important to make sure he is active in the community. It is very important he should be able to show you who he is..

I am not speaking of those who are married and you have ventured into our world, the lifestyle , because I am not sure if you fully understand where I am coming from.

Dominants need that interaction with others in the lifestyle , it is almost like two Elks butting heads on a mountain side, we need that interaction.
I know I need my fix , it gives me someone I can talk to I have something in common with.
That is why I am not grilling out with the Jones , because we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about.

Even if your a new Dominant to the lifestyle there is a lot of valuable information.

If you want to take that walk , the path is not easy and you will have to be committed , and yes to make a D’s Or M’s relationship work it takes a great deal of time , effort and work.
You have to be willing to grow and grow wisely. You have to learn to communicate, and listen. We hear everything but taking it in is the key.

This is the post I wanted to share.

Accusations-how should we handle them.

by Xtac

Two quotes:
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t believe, no proof is possible. – Stuart Chase

EVERY accusation of consent violation has a predator and a victim..every one. The real question is, who is the predator and who is the victim? ~ Xtac quote

So.. based on the thinking framed above, I break action into two categories.
What to do about accusations (X advice)
If you do not have personal involvement.

Because every accusation has a victim, you should not risk the chance that you are contributing to an attempted character assassination nor should you act like a vigilante and take it upon yourself to act as the hand of vengeance to prevent further victimization.
If you do have personal involvement.

Victims should press all legal options. If behavior is illegal, and you are aware of the risks, it should be prosecuted. The proof needs to be tested in a court of law. Of course not everyone agrees. Including me

If it happened at an event, you should notify the event leaders right away. Friends of victims should limit their behavior to support of the victim. If you are a witness, write down what you remember asap. Memory changes over time. Offer to share your information with law and event leaders. For example, if a bottom specifies absolutely no genitalia contact during negotiation, yet while in a heavy subspace head space, is violated but barely conscious of the consent violation, as a friend you might come forth to say, I witnessed behavior that was not consensual, while you were out. It depends on how egregious and obvious the violation and of course your friends feelings about it.

Event leaders have the unique and unenviable job handling these complaints. Like captains of a ship, they are judge, jury, and executioner. They have withing their right, and responsibility to assess the evidence and ban people. ALL key members of an organization should be part of this process. It sucks, but you do not have the skills of a seasoned investigator so go with your gut instincts, and let the chips fall as they may.

If events have reciprocity, where vetting in one group is recognized by the other, it is incumbent upon both groups to share information privately between the key decision makers in each group. Either that or dissolve the reciprocity. You can’t have it both ways. That information however should be privileged. Members can go pound sand if they don’t like it. Internal decisions don’t need to be explained. Event leaders get to do as they please, for any reason at all.
But what about consent violation in the first degree!

It is a long standing legal principle that the actions of one person, that leads to the death of another, are not all treated the same. The law recognizes degrees of violation. In keeping with this thinking, it makes sense that a general idea of what we think constitutes a first, second or third degree violation of consent is.

I absolutely disagree that all consent violations be subject to one broad stroke of the brush. Accidents, poor negotiation, intent, history, and damage to the victims physical and mental well being are all considerations for the degree of the offense.

Questions event organizers might ask themselves are:

Is there a chance this was an accident
Was there room for misunderstanding in the negotiations
Was this arranged to allow abuse
Does the accused have a history
Was there physical contact
What was the degree of offense, resulting from contact

Possible actions by event leaders, depending on the degree, include admonishment, suspension, banning, or a life time ban are possible actions.

So, what are your thoughts and examples? What do you think justifies a life time ban, or a simple admonishment?

I found this to be an awesome topic I hope you enjoy and there is more to come….

Vile

My Wife , My Partner , My Slave

Wow it has been two years now and we are still counting. I would like to say that each passing day gets better.

You know there is one thing we all want , and that is to find the perfect partner. Someone who is not just our partner , but our best friend, someone we can count on, turn to. We all want someone we can spend the rest of our life with, someone we can grow old with and sit on the porch in the evening , and talk about our past , present , and future.

The lifestyle is just a little different , because our needs are different. The way we view relationships is different , because your either a Dominant or your a submissive , and if you want to go deeper a slave and owned property.

Your stepping into a wide open world, and in many cases the world of the unknown. A new life journey, a new path , but we want to know what direction we are traveling in. What is more important you want to know you are going to be taking care of.

Being a submissive , slave or Baby girl is no easy task. You are really giving up so much, but under the right conditions you can gain so much more.

So 4 years ago I set out on a journey , and that journey was to find the perfect Slave , partner and wife.
I had made up my mind it was time to settle down. It was becoming old waking up in the morning alone , although I have always preferred being alone.
A year before meeting Arianna , I agreed to let a couple move in , I had been looking for a roommate for a while. It was not because I needed the money , I suppose it was more of a company thing , like during dinner or something.

Just prior to that I was living in a cabin on the river which was very relaxing and more so because there were no people near me. It was a short time after I became ill and after a dozen times going to the doctor we determined the cabin was full of mold, and I had spores on my lungs, so I had to move.
I underwent a couple of months of treatments and I was slowly beginning to feel better.

I ran across a house that was being remolded and I asked about renting it. It just so happened the house was right in the middle of the Hood. The house set on a street all alone so there was no one around me, but I was the only white dude with in about 6 or 8 blocks.
I quickly felt at home and I had made a couple of good friends. The only problem with friends is they want to visit , and I am not the social type , I tend to be out spoken and some take my personality offensive at times and my rather dry sense of humor.
The only reason I moved in was the house had just been remodeled other wise I would of never thought about moving there.

Okay I got off track a little so here we go.

I got real tired of jumping from relationship to relationship, and it was all because I was settling for less that what I wanted and needed. I was fulfilling the moment knowing it was not going to work, but I played it out until it ended. It was for companionship and nothing more and that never ends well.

So I was in the process of moving to the Philippines I already had a job lined up.
I had been searching for almost 2 years for the one, and I refused to settle for anything less. I already had my mind made up. So when it seemed I was just out of luck that is when I made arrangements to relocate.

Then One day I received a call from a Dom I knew who lives in Orlando and he said he wanted to introduce me to someone. He said we would be a perfect fit.

So reluctantly I agreed to meet and when I saw Arianna getting out of her SUV. I thought Lord Jesus there is a God. Wow I almost spit my coffee out.

So we talked for a couple of hours , we met again the next day and talked more, and the more we talked the more I thought it was some joke. Because I had never met anyone who did not object to anything as far as my needs and wants.

Then came the blow we talked about her needs and being micromanaged , protocols and rules. This was something I had to give a great deal of thought about because I had been in a micromanaged relationship before and it was really not my thing.

One thing I want to make clear, I was not looking for a housekeeper , or a cook. My house for the most was spotless. I was not looking for someone to do my laundry , and I was not looking for a mother figure.

I wanted to live an M’s relationship , nothing less. I was not looking for a submissive, why ? Because a submissive negotiates their relationship, a submissive has the right to say NO. I had tried that and it failed. There were not going to be any type of negotiation , the slave had to fit my needs.

You cannot be Master and Slave 24/7 it is impossible. You not only have your everyday life you have to deal with, but you have to be best friends.
You have to at some point and time be normal, there has to be a vanilla side that comes out.

I am a huge cut up, most people never know when I am serious or not.

We do have protocols in place and daily rituals that keeps us in that frame of mind, but we also have date nights we go out and do things together, and yes I even go clothes shopping with Arianna.

You as a submissive or slave should always come first in your relationship, that is your right. If your not you have the right to question, you also have the right to walk away.

If something is not going right you have the right to question. Again you are and should be number one.

I currently work from home , my office is covered with Arianna, I have pictures on the wall on my desk so where ever I look I see her, and she is the reason I am here today.
She is my last thought before I fall a sleep and my first breath when I wake and she is laying next to me.

Being in a D’s or M’s relationship is so much more than just barking orders or punishing you for something you really did not do.

The relationship is meant to provide security , structure , and yes rules but the rules are meant to provide the mentioned.

Once Arianna and I agreed to start a relationship , she really had no idea her training had started, I said nothing. It was an intense 90 day run we had.
Training is never over it is on going , I call it daily Maintenance , and that requires me to me consistent on a daily basis.
As Arianna grows she is always coming up with new ways she sees that she can hmmm reach a deeper state of submission.

The other night we were talking and she made the comment that she felt the mental aspect of our relationship more so than she would with pain.
The fact is I have never left a bruise on Arianna nor do I wish to.

Arianna had been in two bad M’s relationships prior to meeting me.
One of the first things I did was introduce her to people I knew in the local community, and people I had know for over twenty years..
It was not something I felt I had to do , but I wanted to put her mind at ease. Maybe it was to validate who I was. I do know she had been abused and lied to in the past.

Today her training still continues. We talk everyday , I want to know how she is feeling, what she is thinking, is there anything she wants to talk about.
Often she comes to me with ideas about how she wants to grow or explore an idea she has.

So if your Dominant says he wants to train you. You need to ask him to clarify just what his training means. What are you going to get out of his plan ? How is his training going to help you grow ?

One thing that cracks me up is when a sub or slave meets a new dominant he wants to impose rules.
I find that truly funny and I would assume the guy is a total dumb ass because he knows nothing about you, he knows nothing about your needs or habits.

NEVER I mean NEVER send anyone nude pictures of you unless you want your kids finding them on the internet one day and that will happen.
If he wants nude pictures tell him to use google. You sending pictures of yourself does not in anyway prove your submission.

To date Arianna and I continue to grow as with our love, and to date we have yet to have an argument and that is the truth, and it is not because she is not allowed to speak or ask questions, it is because of our communication.

Unfortunately for many when they first meet a New Dominant , one of the first words out of his mouth is. I am going to train you , I am going to teach you my ways.
That is the last thing you hear about training , unless you fuck up then it is brought back up about how his training has helped you.

Once that statement is made the first time you meet , your relationship becomes sexual and nothing more. There is little to no communication , there is no structure, there is nothing but you on your knees or on your back. Don’t get me wrong some are very happy with a situation like Ive stated above.
I am also sure some of you have experienced just what I just spoke about, and it is really sad you continue to follow such a dumb ass.

Your caught up in the moment , your caught up in the awe of things because you are now owned , and it is clear you the sub or slave really has no clear definition of the lifestyle.
What is even more disturbing you really do not have a clue as to what your looking for, you just know your looking for something.
You really have no clear definition , what the lifestyle really means.

When I started my journey I knew exactly what I was looking for in a partner. I knew the height, the weight , the personality. I had a clear picture in my head of how I wanted to live. I refused to settle for less because I knew inside I was better, I knew I deserved better and I refused to settle for less.

Life today is good , it could not get any better , and it is more than I ever dreamed possible, but that is because I had patience.

Your training is never ending because we change, as humans our needs change on a daily basis, so we either lose or we adapt. I can assure you it is much easier to adapt.

Once you have everything in place , it is just daily communication to keep the flow of things going. I cannot stress enough how much these two words mean. Consistent and consistency. You should have post it notes all over your home with these two words, and you should live by them and refuse to settle for any less.

Here is the thing , you already know your submissive, you already know you want to submit. You know your a slave , you already know you want to serve.
You do not want to be told to, you do not want someone to demand you submit. You should want to be in a place where you can do so willingly.
You want someone to step in and mold you.

You want a Dominant who can take what you have to offer and perfect it, and there is such a thing as perfection. You want someone who wants to grow with you and care enough to have the need to guide you.

You want someone who is going to be there for you, when times are good and when they are bad, you want someone who will understand your neediness and not see it as a weakness. You want someone who really understands you.

It is not science , it is not even math. It is both of you being who you are and wanting the same thing out of life. That my friend is not asking for a kidney.

Arianna grows almost daily , and now she is at the point to where she is able to express your inner thoughts and her needs , and it is me who adapts to her needs . In turn this allows her to grow and it gives her a chance to explore her submission…

The road is not hard and you can prevent pot holes.

Vile

You Cannot Demand Submission

You know you can spot the wannabe’s from a far distance. You can spot the fakes like an apple in an orange basket.

Sometimes it can be hard to separate the two if your just entering the lifestyle.

No one has the right to tell you that you have to call someone Sir , Master or Daddy.
A title is just that a title, at any rate it should be earned. Someone who demands such a thing has probably spent hours in front of a bathroom mirror practicing those words, You can call me Sir. You can call me Master.

Second you should NEVER I mean NEVER send anyone nudes pics of yourself. If you are just meeting this guy you knowing nothing of him, and you could wake up one morning and find yourself pasted all over the Internet.

No real Dominant would even think of asking of such a thing, and it really serves no meaning at all. There is really no purpose for such a request, this falls back under the call me Sir thing.

Many of you are intimidated when you first meet someone. Your meeting your first real Dominant. Your meeting someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with.
Being afraid or intimidated is no way to start off, so if you have these feelings you need to put off meeting until you feel relaxed.
Intimidation does not equal submission but many will try once they figure you out.

One of the main problems is the submissive will open up to much, giving out to much information. Information about your personal life, problems you may have financially , or even health, and family. Information can include problems at work, your insecurities , low self esteem.

The Dominant now goes into the rescuer mode, he is now the Knight on the white horse, and you see him as your guiding light.

This in the end makes you a very easy target. He will probably have track words he uses. He will tell you all the things you need to hear.

The first month everything goes well , you are the center of attention and you are eating it up.
Then things slowly begin to change and your relationship moves into what I call a dark area.

The Knight on the white horse is no longer the soft and gentle Dominant he was when you first met. Your thoughts or needs become less of a need to him. He then begins to isolate you, telling you , you do not need anyone else but me, thus cutting your friends off then your family.

He has changed , his temper now comes out , your told you do not know what your saying. You are made to think your are worthless, and you would be nothing without him.
Look at what Ive done for you ? You should appreciate the time I have spent with you, you should be thankful instead of being so inconsiderate.

Many of you have heard this before , and you fixed it by leaving , but many are still in such of a relationship , and your not sure how to get out.

One thing that is for sure you should always come first no matter what. Your Dominant should drop what ever he is doing and come when needed without question.

He should want to know what your thinking , what your feelings are , what can be done to put you in a better place.

When someone demands you respect them , or demand you call them Sir or Master their head is not in the right place.

You need to do your research , you need to talk to people, but most importantly you need to get out in the local community , get to know people.
The truth is you will be treated more like family than you ever have, you will find those who are willing to guide you as well as support you.

The one thing that many of you do not fully understand is , you have the right to say NO. You are a submissive the ball is in your court just as much as it is his.
You have the right to ask questions , and you have the right to get the answer you want. You have the right to question his intentions.

One thing I firmly believe in , is you should have all of your problems worked out before entering a new relationship. It is not fair to dump your garbage trunk on someones lap , and expect them to fix it. You created a mess you fix it.
You would be pretty upset if you entered a relationship with a new Dom to find out his life was in a total wreck.
Then you have to grab a broom and dust pan and help him clean up his mess, it is just not fair…

A little planning goes a very long way..

After all your goal is to earn your collar

Vile

Is There A Perfect Slave

I am going to include a submissive as well , because I firmly believe you can achieve perfection in both a submissive and a slave.

It is us the Dominants or the Masters who set the pace of the relationship.
We are the ones who builds the forms , and we call in the cement trucks to pour the foundation.

Before any of this begins you have the plans to your relationship already drawn up. You already have an idea of the lay out of your new relationship.

Once the foundation is poured you can begin construction on your new relationship.

The problem with some builders they tend to cut corners to cut cost, and we know in the long run this does not pay off.

Then we start with the frame work of our new relationship….

These are steps that have to be taking in a new relationship as well.

It is up to the Dominant to make sure everything falls into place. So we watch and guide through the whole process.
We watch the start of the framing , the pouring of the concrete, then the framing of the new house. W have come up with the perfect floor plan to fit our needs, the lighting, the fixtures , and even the appliances.
We have a plan when it comes to the landscaping.
Everything just falls into place , until we stand back and we are looking at perfection.

Is there a perfect Slave or Submissive, the answer is yes. The perfection comes from the Dominant and his training.

Something I do not see much about is goals, goals within the relationship, and goals for the submissive or slave. In any relationship goals are very important and that is something that should be talked about prior to entering a new relationship.
Here in the next day or so I am going to make a post about goals and the needs of having goals put into place…
We are here to build something, we are here to build something great, we want ours to excel in life, we want to set goals for improvement.

As we continue building our relationship , and we have poured the foundation, we have the framing finished now we add the finishing touch, and our home is complete.

Although our building is finished now we have the daily maintenance in order to keep it up.
This is the same thing in a relationship it requires daily maintenance, and that would be communication
Often in a D’s or M’s relationship the communication is one way , and that would be a Dominant barking orders, and in reality once you have everything in place the Dominant seldom has to bring anything up.

Some two years ago Arianna asked me , how am I suppose to learn? My answer was observe and listen , I want you to be able to anticipate my needs , and she thought I was setting her up for failure but that was not the case because today she does just that.

If treated right and shown love and that you care the Submissive or Slave will not only want to but will have the need to please.

If the the sub or slave is going to put you first in their life , they deserve the same in return..

If things are not going your way , if your sub or slave is not following rules , or your not able to train, or your just having problem in general, do not blame them.

You the Dominant needs to set back and reevaluate what your doing because chances are it is something you are doing. The Dominant is quick to put the blame on someone else, because it could never be him, but in fact most of the time it is.

Communication is the base of the relationship , but with communication comes positive reinforcement , positive reinforcement goes a very long way in building a relationship and this should be practiced daily.

Choices and consequences that is life , that is what life is about. We make choices and we have to face the consequences good or bad.

In a little over two years Arianna has been punished one time and only one time. I have rules in place and Arianna broke a rule maybe not on purpose but she did and to me it was something serious.
Today she knows although there are choices there are also consequences. A Sub or slave will strive for perfection , and that comes with positive reinforcement and communication. Although I do believe in punishment , it is seldom needed because the worst punishment to a sub or slave is knowing they displeased their owner.

BDSM is not about punishing your property , BDSM is about a stable partnership where you build up each other.

As a Dominant you should not have have to punish to prove who you are, your actions should be able to do that, you keeping your word , being honest , and staying consistent.

Again if your relationship is not going as planned , chances are the Dominant needs to sit down and reevaluate what your doing and maybe you need to change somethings up.

If you have anger issues or maybe your controlling you will need to fix those before you can proceed , so you can have a healthy relationship.
You should not take your anger out on your partner , you should not take your problems out on your partner nor your drama.

Believe it or not Arianna and I have zero problems our life is completely drama free. We do however have obstacles come our way , but I handle them, and we move forward , this is all part of the daily maintenance after your house is built.

We cannot expect perfection if we are not willing to build and keep up what we build.

Vile

My Take On Online BDSM Relationship

I just read an excellent post from… http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

While I understood much of it there were a few things that were not covered so I wanted to touch base on somethings.

I myself have never been in a online relationship , I have tried and it does nothing for me.
I am strictly hands on and I have never had the desire to have an M’s relationship via the internet.

I have never been a picture collector as well . I myself find it very degrading and most will send pictures just to please , okay that is off topic.

While I can see how one a submissive or slave could reach that endorphin release at that moment and time , I would think that Sub-Drop would begin right after the laptop is powered off.

While I do believe Sub-Drop can be controlled it would not be able to be controlled if you were 500 miles away.

Sub-Drop requires a great deal of emotional understanding , communication and being physical , I mean as far as holding.
Communication is huge right after play or having a session, because you the Dominant wants to pick their brain. How do you feel right now ? What are your thoughts right now ? What were your thoughts during play? How were you feeling ? It just goes on and on.
To be online and then having to power off until the next session, I would imagine it would be pretty lonely.

While I can see the high and the thrill of remaining anonymous while sitting at your keyboard , I can see the downs as well as some dangers.

Even for a new comer there are things that have to be considered. Someones health , how stable are they? Are they taking any medications? do they suffer any type of depression? Does their depression go deeper maybe bipolar. Maybe they hurt themselves when alone or depressed.

I do know of many who have met online and while some have turned out good most have failed.

I have also found many online Dominants are single , and there has to be a reason. Maybe online is a bit easier, there is not as much responsibility when having an online relationship, you do not have the communication needs online like you do in a physical relationship. Then there is a lack of commitment , not having to commit causes less stress.

If one relationship does not work out then I see the advantage of moving on to another and being able to rather quickly.

Being able to remain anonymous means you can be who you want, but so can the submissive, and unless you know their mental state someone could get hurt.
I do know someone will not open up about something so personal online and what happens with the laptop fires up could not have a good turn out.

I have never figured out how you can own someone and just be online. I have never figured out, when people speak of an online collar.

You never really have any control. The only control you have is the control your being told you have. You have no structure or stability with in the relationship. You cannot enforce rules on any level, you are having to go by what your being told.

I do know most online relationships turn sexual in a very short amount of time, and the Dominant is soon demanding pictures and videos. That I never understood since that is not what we are suppose to be about.

Although as Dominants we should never be rescuers , we are here to help. In many cases although we do not have a PHD we are at times a psychiatrist , we are a best friend , we give advice , we communicate , and we offer options based on our experience.

We provide the stability a sub or slave needs in their life, and in a sense we make everything alright. We take away the deep pain and the feeling of not being able to feel.

I have a saying I have used for many years. Come and Let me hold you so I can feel your pain , and today I believe that statement to be true you can feel someones hurt, you can feel someones needs but more so you can feel love.

Like Ive said I have never had an online relationship and I am 51 years old. Ive never wanted an online relationship, again because I am hands on…

While I do believe you can learn a lot online, a submissive or slave can never lern, what it is like to be in a physical relationship.

I found a lot of good from the post ……

http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

I just wanted to add my side..

Much Love Vile