Our 10th anniversary

Wow! 10 years really flies by when you are having fun.

Ok 2020 was a bad year but we survived , it took a lot of work for both but we are back.

Every year I do something special and my biggest issue is I try to out do the previous year.

Gaylord Palms in Orlando, they treated us like royalty. It was not to busy so they gave us a small section of the restaurant.

The Hardrock in Daytona Beach, when we opened the door rosé petals were all over the room, a cake and a bottle of wine.

However this year was somewhat of a disappointment. I made reservations at a restaurant called Blackrock and from looking at it , it should of been a awesome experience.

We ordered our appetizer then our main course, for the steaks they bring out a 700 degree Lava rock that you yourself cooks the steak to your liking.

We arrived 10 minutes early and was told there was no available seating with waitstaff. There was no mention of our anniversary, Arianna just looked at me and I said well fuck me. We were then escorted to the bar where they had a small booth and a very badly torn seat and the bartender waited on us. The food was ok nothing special. I truly felt bad, not for me but Arianna.

We both gave each other new rings for our 10th. We did not exchange at the restaurant but waited until we arrived home.

I belong to a couple of KIK groups, about 6 months ago a friend invited me, fuck I had not been in a chatroom since 1992 on collarme.

It seems as though the lifestyle has turned more kink oriented today. I’m not sure why, I am going to guess it is easier or something.

I am looking forward to the next 10

Vile

Are Vampires Real?

Absolutely, but not the ones who bite your neck and suck all the blood out but vampires in one form is real.

I was watching a TV show called, What We Do In The Shadows. The show itself is very funny and I recommend it. The show is about dysfunctional vampires who live together. There is one vampire who stands out. He is a Energy Vampire, He can walk in a room and drain the energy out of everyone.

This starts with Drama, there are those who thrive off of Drama. They feed on drama and turn right around and infect you.

Then there is the Dom, your demanding Dom, who is expecting a miracle from you the slave but there are catches.

You have the old 101 rules, you are cut off from family and friends. Your passwords are demanded, your banking information. He goes through your cell phone several times a day. You are beaten like a old rag doll, and fucked like a cheap whore. The Vampire.

You are really trying to hang on but there is not light at the end of the tunnel. You want to hang in there, you are really trying but all of your energy is being drained.

Here is the problem, you won’t open your fucking mouth and say hey wait a fucking minute. Remember you have that right.

You have the right to speak up, there comes a time when you realize, you are being taking advantage of.

You are probably going to suck more dick in a week than you have your whole life. Your going to be used and fucked on a daily basis. This is what you are for, but you should be respected. You should be cared for, you mental stability, your needs.

Speaking of needs there are very few needs a slave should have. A acceptable place to live, food, water and clothing when permitted. Those are needs. Anything extra is earned and considered a privileged. Of course let’s not forget about your health.

I’ve known Doms who did not work, was on social security drawing 800.00 a month. Then he meets you, you have a job and a car. You now pick up the tab, the burden is now on you on top of the above.

How long can you survive without have a break down? Remember you did not fail, your Dom failed you, you were fed a load of bullshit and you believed him.

Then the female Vampire, she is about to put a hurting on you.

You are the man, your ego is being pumped to no end. The sex is the best you have ever had, but all good things come to an end.

The slave becomes mouthy , stubborn, does not want to follow rules. Then the sex begins to slow way down. Chances are there is no job, does not cook, and the laundry is piling up.

So entering a M’s relationship you should not be looking for a mom or housekeeper. When Arianna came to my house the first time it was spotless. I did have a roommate but not because I needed the money, I wanted the companionship. I wanted company and nothing else.

You the Dom are being drained because all that you have learned is not working. She’s gorgeous, sucks a dick like a pro but you have zero control over her. My friend you are fighting a losing battle. There is no reasoning, you have been had.

I truly appreciate everyone who stops by

Thank you

Vile

You Are A Submissive No You Are A Slave

The world is full of stupid people , we all know stupid cannot be fixed. The world is full of idiots , again cannot be fixed. We all know the world is full of Predators again cannot be fixed. The world is full of abusers and once a abuser always a abuser. The world is full of rapist , again cannot be fixed. The world is full of pedophiles yes very sick but cannot be fixed.

The above our medical professionals say all of these people can be fixed , well with the exception of stupid and idiots. We can give medication , we can send to rehab , and we can offer group meetings and regular appointments but the truth is those people are poison.

Then we move into the world of BDSM a world like our universe that has no end and we have the capability of stepping into other worlds, we have the capability of experimenting , we have the capability to explore new and decide where we fit in.

Wikipedia

BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture is usually dependent on self-identification and shared experience.

Look at the word Self-identification because it will come up again soon in my post it is very important.

As much as I would like to believe I am not perfect, yea I know a big pill to swallow but it is true.  While I am close to perfection I do mess up every now and then but when I do it is usually something I have no control over. When it does happen I take a step back I rethink things and I move on with a different plan.

Where am I going with this ? I did not just wake up one morning and say hey I am a Dominant , or a Master titles are really useless if they are not acknowledge in a form or respect from someone other than you.

It took years for me to evolve , years to learn and learning from mistakes and yes I made the same mistake more than once before I learned it was not someone else it was me.

It took me years to be able to self identify so I could determine the direction I wanted to go , still stumbling and making mistakes.

I just like you had to go through a Self-identification process , while others were trying to tell me who and what I was. Self-identification is not a over night process and it a process that one has to put a great deal of thought and soul searching.

The thing that makes it a hard rode to follow are the fine people I mentioned above. The stupid , the idiots, the predators , the rapist,he abusers and in some cases the pedophiles. You have to think smart and keep your emotions packed away because the above mentioned will hurt you .

You meet a Dom on a dating site , maybe craigslist , maybe in a chatroom. You talk for a while then you agree to meet and twenty minutes into the conversation he is telling you who and what you are. You are not a submissive you are a slave really? This dude has been talking twenty minutes and he has you figured out , while he has no clue what your favorite color is , what your favorite movies are , the foods you like and he has already made a determination on who and what you are. He knows nothing about your family or upbringing , the kind of friends you have.

The things he does know is if you swallow , if you take it up the ass , if you are into humiliation oh and if you are Bi sexual if not willing to try.

Self-identification  The act of identifying yourself as a particular kind of person. Knowing and understand who and what you are. Being able to communicate with others about who and what you are and what you not only want out of life but what you expect.

Self-identification requires self thought and understanding on many different levels. A good example , your are a Slave , um no I am submissive. Now this is not to say as you grow while in a relationship you could have growth or something may inspire you to explore the option of entering such a world.

You cannot chat with someone or meet someone once or twice and the Dominant come to a conclusion of where you fit in the lifestyle. In order to make that kind of determination someone would have to know you inside out.

So questions that come to mind , why do you think I am a Slave ? How do you know I am a Slave? What are you going to get out of such a relationship ? What are your goals in a Master / Slave relationship ? Once confronted chances are there will be no answer , chances are anger will come out simply because you questioned his experience ..

I went through a rather long process of Self-identification , figuring out who and what I was about a year. First I had to understand me , then I had to understand what I wanted out of this one life I was giving. At this point and time in my life I had hit rock bottom, going through the guilt , the poor me self pity , the whole world was against me when in fact I was against myself. My problems were self inflicting , I myself created a mess I had to figure out how to clean up. I spent a year alone , dating from time to time just for the companionship someone to talk to. Many times we settle for less just for the companionship and security knowing it is not going to work , but it works for the moment and time..

Self-identification never let someone try and take this from you it changes your whole identity , it changes your whole world and you will not be happy.

I have never figured out why so many are stuck on titles , I am assuming that is why some try to put you in a category , you are slave and I am Master. The word Master puts him on a different ego cloud, his chest swells so much he can hardly breath and when you come back I am not a slave I am submissive the chest then begins to deflate. Anger comes out he then starts to get aggression , this is a side you have not seen and it should be a warning sign. I hate the word red flag , red flag has no meaning , anything can be labeled as a red flag. When you talk to others they will say oh he does not text back immediately  that is a red flag you should dump him.

Being able to see and understand if you are just being used , used as a toy , a fuck toy. You find yourself on your knees most of the time sucking dick or getting your ass beat for a couple of hours a month and never hearing from him. Doing things you never thought you would , sending pics and videos which you have and were totally against. What are the benefits of such actions unless it is just a control thing ?

I said once before every morning when you wake you stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom and take a deep look. Then you wash your face and make to bad go away and bring in the good.. I guess kinda like the wax on wax off.

If you are knew to the lifestyle you know absolutely nothing. You have spent hours reading and what you are reading is someones opinion and you don’t even know if it is true. You spend hours chatting in BDSM rooms most of the Dominants their are web Doms who are single and will remain single. There are Doms making unrealistic demands , demands you call them Sir or Master. He gets your phone number you both masturbate then he has to go. The whole conversation zeros in around sex and nothing more he has not intentions of moving nor do you because you want to find someone next door.

If you want something you have to be willing to put effort into getting what you want. You have to be willing to work for what you want. If something is just given there is no respect for it.

After the Self-identification process and you meet your prospective owner your job has not ended because now you have to negotiate your relationship at this time you are able to make demands , you have to explain who you are and what you need out of a relationship. It is very important you stick to your needs and not give in. He will then make his demands and you need to listen and ask questions.

The insecure Dom , this are the ones who show anger , do not trust, want all of your passwords. You are accused of cheating , you cannot do anything right. You are not a true submissive. Most of the time it is just verbal , humiliation , mental but at times it can get physical. All of this is abuse but once it gets physical it will never stop. The insecure Dom will not communicate , he will not talk or listen. At this time you sit him down and say look things are going to change or I will make changes for you.  Stand your ground.

If you want some good information bestslavetraining.com

Self-identification never let someone tell you who or what you are.

My Interview With A Dominant

A few years ago the interviews were a pretty regular thing. The purpose they serve is to give everyone a peak into someones life within the lifestyle.

In the past I have interviewed both Dominant and submissive, all with different questions..

I am going to send a series of questions to a very good friend and you can find his blog here.

https://livingwithx.wordpress.com/

I am also working on a post about our Triad and how our home works and what makes it work….

I am back on track…

Vile

 

How Deep Is Your Submission

I was sitting on the couch the other day and I was looking at Arianna. I was thinking how fast time has flown by , but what I was really thinking is how lucky I am to have found the perfect Slave , partner and wife.
I cannot say I built our home I have to say both of us built our home. It takes two to build a relationship and it takes two to work together so it can continue to grow.
So for me to sit here and say Look at what I did , would be a false statement. I may of laid down the grown work but without Arianna it would not of been possible.

I am always very cautious of those who use the words I or me on a regular basis. Most who do spend a great deal of time bragging, about what they have done or accomplished.

I am a firm believer we write our own ticket , we decide where and when we are going to go. We are responsible for our decisions, we are responsible for our right and wrongs. It is us to sets the pace in our life and what happens. Now there are times a wrench gets thrown in and we have to back up a little, but staying true in what you believe and do unto others as you would do to them, hmmm did that come out right ?

Although there are not very many people I like , I treat everyone with respect. If I don’t like you I have nothing to do with you. I am not going to get wrapped up in others drama or problems , I have my own house to take care of.

Drama will eat you up from the inside out like a cancer. Drama can destroy your home , drama can and will destroy your relationship no matter who brings it in through the door. It is not fair to bog someone else down with problems. This does mean you do not listen or help a friend in need , but there has to be a limit. Once it becomes a problem or a burden to you , then it is time to cut the rope unless you want to go down with the ship.

Submission is a beautiful thing , It puts you in a peaceful state of mind , the feeling of freedom , the freedom of being who and what you are, and you only have one to answer to. Your Dominant is the only one in your life you have to answer to, well excluding work but you know what I am talking about.

Just like meeting a New Dominant , and being asked about your limits. Well if your new to the life style you really have no idea. Being in a secure relationship with communication allows you to explore that side of you. Maybe you had limits in place, which is normal but as you grow those limits will slowly fade.

On Fetlife I love reading post when a guy says, I am looking for a bitch with no limits. What he is looking for is someone he can abuse and degrade and feel okay about it.
Early last year I was chatting with a Dominant who was mad because his slave left him because she would not fuck who ever he wanted her to. It was his right to make her lay down for who ever. The bad news is she came back , I am guessing maybe a codependent thing , maybe the feeling of being secure.
Can you really love someone if you just pass them around to just anyone ? Your going to fuck and suck who ever I say, where I say and how I say. Can that really be love?

There are those who share , there are those who explore but that is generally worked out between the couple, and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself am not the sharing type, well with a male anyway , a female would be different , but only if Arianna brought it up and she has a few times. Then you have to think about what your going to catch. It is not like it was in the 70’s when you could go get a shot.

You plant the seed , you water it , you fertilize it and it will grow. The same with your relationship. In a relationship your fertilizer is communication , and honesty. This allows the both of you to grow together..

All the kinks , the bondage , the cock sucking , the ass fucking , even to some the humiliation , the control , the submission. All of this comes as you grow , the more communication you have the more you will want to try or do, the more you will want to please the one who is in control.

In a steady long term relationship the submissive , or slave has the need to please and gets pleasure out of pleasing or know they are pleasing the one they are with.

Submission is not something you can demand , respect is not something you can demand. You will call me Sir , you will call me master. Really have you earned that much respect? I just met you why would I call you Sir? Maybe because it makes your ego swell. Maybe it fuels the Dominant inside you. Maybe you should earn that right.

Calling someone Sir or Mam is a lot different when your doing it out of respect than it is when being demanded.

I like the game , playing the game of earning someones respect , then one I am trying to form a relationship with. I like the challenge , I like the finding out how , when and where. I wait for that one word Sir. Then I know without a doubt I have been on the right track. Once you have earned that respect you have a wide open road.

When I met Arianna , I was truthful from the start about who I was and what I needed out of a relationship. I explained everything is such detail she had no questions. I am like that about anything I explain to her. Before I speak I look at every possible question that could be asked , even before Her Training started I explained everything is such detail she had no questions about anything , she just followed.

Following was her greatest down fall because she is one to trust to easy , she thinks other she had seen had her best interest in mind, just as many of you trust to easy. Under the wrong hands it can turn into a bad situation.

Rescuing and submission is not a good combination. You never as a Dominant want to be put in a situation where you are rescuing someone. Many times these are the ones who are wanting you to step in and clean up the mess they made. It is not that they cannot fix it , they just do not want to put in the time or resources it takes to fix.
Entering a relationship many do have some problems and some have problems they have no idea how to fix. If you feel you have a good chance in a long term relationship then it is okay to step in and handle a few things, just make sure your not on the Titanic with a bucket.

I told Arianna , I want you to be able to anticipate my every need. I want you to know when I need something. This was confusing to her at the start of our relationship. She asked me how am I suppose to learn all that , it seems your setting me up for failure?
Watch me and listen , that was the first 90 days of her initial training , and I can tell you the first 90 days was not a very easy task. Training is not made to be easy.
She watched and she listened and to this day she is on top of things. She is because it is a need for her. Her knowing she is pleasing me fuels her submission.

Knowing when someone needs down time is very important , knowing when someone has had enough and they just need time to let their mind go. This is something huge I believe in. Allowing Arianna down time , to see family and friends, taking her shopping. This place a huge role in supporting her.
You know at times Arianna gets somewhat Manic , that is her I accept her for who she is, but there are times you have to let the manic run its course , because slamming the breaks on something could do more harm than good, so I let out a little rope and if a mistake is made I fix it, not that there has ever been something drastic.
Knowing your partner means the world , knowing when to let a little rope out does more help than bad. Being there to pick things up , insures your partner you have their back.

Male insecurities , the two words that start almost everything argument , is what’s wrong ? These two words do more damage than anything , because it is not asked just once or twice especially is the answer is nothing. Then if the answer is nothing there has to be something wrong, so that question is just hammered until something is made up. This all comes back to the down time. Sometimes we just need to vegetate , think , let our mind go and just chill.

Who are you seeing? Are you cheating? Are you talking to anyone else? This means one or two things , the Dom you are seeing is very insecure which is not a good quality when it comes to a Dominant or he is the cheater. 99% of the time the accuser is the one who is stepping out , so then you need to ask him those same questions..

A Dominant who demands your passwords to all of your accounts that is a security problem as well as an ego problem, not to mention a lack of trust.
It cracks me up when these married fuck tards who are cheating on their wife does not trust their submissive. They cant be trusted but they cant trust the other one they are with. How fucking stupid is that? Fuck Tard was a nice word by the way.

We all choose our own path , you just need to make sure you are traveling down the right path , and you need to know your partner has your back..

Vile

Earning Ones Submission

First of all I would like to apologize for yesterdays post. That post is not who or what I am. After being called out in public by someone who clearly has no clue about submission or the lifestyle just really set me off.
If it had been a private email things would of been much different and probably not even brought up.

At one time I just expected submission, if you were submissive you belonged on your knees with a full mouth. I did not want to hold you, I did not want to hear about your day, I could care less about your family or friends. In fact I did not even want you to speak unless you were cooking and wanted to know what I wanted to eat.

Those who are true slave, and submissive’s are not weak, infact those who wish to submit are very strong, and most are very intelligent, but for some reason some see it as a weakness, and some Doms prey on such.

So it took me from about the age of 14 until I reached maybe 31 to realize there was so much more out there.

The truth is when I looked at a woman , I saw three holes and nothing more. You were only good if you were on your knees, your back or ass in the air.
Aftercare was unheard of, you know fuck that. If you want aftercare hold your pillow.
That was really my train of thought. Women were put here to suck cock, cook and clean.

I remember being out in California, I was seeing this little Blonde, well okay I saw her once. As she was sucking my cock in the Mcdonalds parking lot while I was eating my big mack, I didn’t even let her finish. I pulled her up by her hair and looked at her eye to eye, and I asked, what the fuck are you doing ? I am sucking your dick. Um no your being stupid and your broken, I started the car and she asked where we were going and I said I am taking you home, then I am going to jack off.
If you wanted to hang out you were going to suck my dick, or lay on your back. That was really my train of thought.

By the time I left Korea I knew how easy it was to get in someone’s head. It was so easy to play off of someone’s emotions. Once you were able to find that emotion button, it was game on, until I grew tried of her, which was maybe a week, that was a long term relationship to me.

When I first met you within the first 5 minutes, I knew if you sucked dick, and took it up the ass, if you answered no to any of those two questions the conversation was over.

Although I was active in the community, it was really hard for me to hookup with anyone at the local events, because they all knew me, and what I was about.

My early 30’s my train of thought began to change, as I began to have more interest in submission. I wanted to know what made them tick, what made them think, and why they needed to be submissive.

Over the years I have seen a pattern, this does not include EVERYONE so please take note.

I have had the privilege of meeting a lot of slaves and submissive’s , and one thing I have noticed , while each is very unique many had something in common. Many suffered from depression , anxiety , and even bipolar while most were on medication there was a handful who were not.
Many of these women tend to trust way to easy, thus making them an easy target.
The one major thing they all have in common is they are looking for security, they are seeking a home, and someone who will provide structure and safety.
Under the right circumstances many will adapt without question.
I can assure you that you will not find a more loyal partner. All we have to do is provide the right setting.
I have said in the past the first 90 days are the hardest but that is not always the case, many will fall right into place with the proper communication.

Trust is a huge issue and many are willing to turn over their life to you, in hopes you will take care of them.

If the Dominant is truly interested in you, he will have a long list of questions.
It is up to you to answer and be as honest as you can. If the answer is no, do not be afraid to say no, do not say yes just to please.

You should never allow anyone to demand you call them Sir , Master or Daddy. The Dominant will know it will come in time, he will know he has to earn your trust, and respect.

I know twenty years ago I didn’t care what you called me as long as you were on your knees. I had the attitude a woman had three pussy’s and they were just used as a cum dump nothing more. If I wanted to see you again I would say so, but I would make it clear I was not looking for anything long term.
Hey Vile can I come and visit? Sure you can if you plan on sucking cock I could use the company, that was the attitude I had, but I never lead anyone on.
Today I am not sure why some men have that need, why they have the need to lead on. Make someone believe something that is not true.
Well I plan on leaving my wife, yea we all know that is bullshit because if he was going to leave his wife he would just do it
Trust me I am not having sex with my wife. Really ? Get the fuck out. There is pussy in his bed and it is not free so he is fucking her.
My wife said I could see other people. Okay fine let me talk to her, since she does not care.
Yea then his cock sucker shuts up, well um not today or its okay she just does not want to know.
Okay when are you leaving? Why have you not left already if she is such a bitch ?

Last, a man who has a temper, a man who has a drinking problem, a man who is cheating on his wife , a man who is abusive , mental or physical , a man who lies.

Listen to me, that man is no Dominant, that man is no Master, That man is no Daddy Dom. In fact that man is nothing at all, he is just taking up valuable oxygen others need..

If a man cannot control his own life how can he control someone else?

Someone said the other day I am an egomaniac , and that statement is so far from the truth.
I may be a little cocky at times, but in real, I am just very confident.

Vile

If something is earned you have so much more respect. There is no greater gift than earning someone’s submission.

Do You Know What Training Really Is ?

Lets take cock sucking out of the picture, while we are at it lets take a rule out a lot of you have, or have had.
Your not allowed to cum for a month, or maybe even two months

The second I spoke about is pure ego, and nothing more. The you are not allowed to touch your pussy or cum without my permission was something I did when I was in my twenties. If I had come across anyone who had been in the lifestyle for anytime when I said those words I was laughed at. They knew then I was not a experienced Dom.

Before you begin your Training there are a few questions you need to ask yourself.
1. Is this lifestyle really for me? You know your own feelings, but much research must be done, before being able to correctly answer.
2. Why do I need to be trained?
3. What do I hope to get out of being trained by a Dominant ?
4. Just how far do I want to go ?
5. What are some of my limits ? You probably have an idea, but you also may need to explore.
6. What Type of Dominant or Master should I be looking for ?
Remember we are all different , we all have different values, and methods. Some are very strict, while some are not. Some have rules and protocols while some do not. Some want to see their property excel in life, while others will still care about you but you are more of a physical object.

These are just a few of the questions you need to ask yourself before you begin your journey. Know what you need is very important. Never let anyone tell you what you need, or how they are going to change you.

Meeting your new Dominant and taking an assessment should be done while you are getting to know each other. This covers many areas.
Your health should be talked about in depth, medications, phobias as well. Your work should be discussed, as well as family and friends.

Here is a list of health questions I used.
Do you have any dietary restrictions?
Are you allergic to anything? (Scene materials as well as common allergies)
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? Dental bridges or hearing aids?
Do have any injuries that can keep you from service or play type training? (Neck, back, knee injuries)
Do you have any ongoing illnesses or chronic problems? What type of medications or treatments do you take for these?
Make a list of all the vitamins, herbal or nutritional supplements your take?
When was your last blood test and physical? Will you be willing to take a blood test or physical?
Do you use recreational drugs (including alcohol or tobacco)? What? How Often?
Do you have any addictions or are you struggling with an addiction?
Are you recovering from an addiction? Are you clean and/or sober? How long?
Have you suffered from abuse as a child? As an adult? (Physical, verbal, psychological, sexual, spiritual)
If so, are there any triggers that can cause you trauma now?
Do you abuse others, or have abused others, in the past? How have you addressed these problems?
Have you ever had any type of sexually transmitted disease? How was it, or is it, being treated?

All of these questions are very important, this is one of the ways besides communication you get to know someone. This will also prevent someone from getting hurt.

While there may not be a cure for many mental illnesses, I do believe that under the right house, and the proper structure , most can be kept under control, and managed.

Clarification. You will need clarification on the entire process. You will want to know what will be expected of you.

If you work or have children there will be limitations that will have to be put into place.

Just so you know this is not a Wham Bam Thank You Process. These discussions is something that should take place over time. This is a courtship, this is the getting to know each other time.
Go out to eat, catch a movie, long walks. The most important thing is to take your time. Communication is the most important thing in your relationship, but and there is a but, compatibility plays a major role.

Call me Sir, call me Master, call me Daddy, never fall for those demands. Each title no matter what should be earned and not demanded.

The RULE thing is never really clear, a lot of Dominants want to start out with rules before even entering a relationship.
Once your relationship gets to that point, when a Rule is giving out, there should be a clear explanation on why that rule is being put into place.

One thing I do and did, when I explained something to Arianna, I explained it in such a way there were no questions. Everything must be very clear.

It is also impossible to be told to memorize 30 or 40 rules. If the Dominant expects you to remember each and everyone , then he should be able to repeat them all.

We all have training ideas, but what works for one will not work for another.
The one thing you have to remember you are being trained to fit someone’s needs, it is you that will have to adapt to your new world, not the Dom.

In many cases you may need to be trained, looking for that structure in your life, or you may be perfectly fine, and your just entering a D’s or M’s relationship, at any rate you are still going to adapt to someone else’s world. Your life is going to really go through changes.

Some of the things that are important to us, is our family, we also need friends, you need to be able to go out, we all need down time.
During your negotiation part you need to make sure you will still be allowed to do the above.

If the Dominant you are meeting tells you he is married, make sure the spouse is okay with what he is doing. This is where it gets tricky because you cannot just take his word, after all if his wife says its okay for him to see other people, then it should be okay for you to talk to her.

He will come off well my wife is a bitch, she does not understand me, she does not fulfill my needs, she is always nagging.
Well!!! If things were really all that bad he would not be there.
I am staying because of the children. Yea that is a lame excuse.
He is cheating because she will not suck cock or take it up the ass but you will.
Remember you are now number two , and you will always be number two.
No Birthdays, no Holidays, no vacations, you are just a secret.

Training should start almost immediately once the two have agreed to enter a D’s or M’s relationship. The most effective way to train is while you are living together.
If your Dominant is a once a month warrior then you are not really going to get the whole picture.
This also happens when you see someone who is married, your in it for the benefits, and he is in it for the ass, and nothing more.

You the Submissive or Slave should have a good idea when it comes to what your looking for, and what your needs are. This is something you need to cover as well.
When you meet a new Dominant, and you are to intimidated or scared to talk openly about your needs then he is the wrong Dom for you.
A Dominant should make you feel at ease, relaxed. He should be easy to speak to, and not make any demands.
If you cannot speak freely and express your needs, how can you fully submit to him?

The first meeting all eyes should be on you. You should be doing all the talking, and the Dominant should have his total attention on you. If your shy he will keep the conversation flowing with questions
During this time he is taking in all the information. This is the time he is putting a training program together in his head.

Your question should be what does your training consist of? What do you think I will get out of your training ?

What are your protocols ? Are your protocols just private or are they public as well?

One thing I did, is I would request a journal be started something I could read everyday or week. I did not have to do that with Arianna because she had ten years worth of journals, so I really got a deep look inside her life.

There are rules and then there is sex. The two should never be mixed. Rules are meant to provide structure, and guidance.

A rule telling you to send a video on your anal training does not benefit you at all. You being told as a rule to send nude pics, does not benefit you at all.
If these are the things he is interested in, then he does not have your best interest in mind.

Being trained is real, and you need to be sure you are in the hands of someone who really cares about you. Someone who has open communication.
Our lifestyle is you are a True D’s or M’s is a mind thing. It is all about the Dominant getting inside your head, and having the ability to stay there, keeping you in that submissive frame of mind.

The first 90 days Arianna had almost zero freedom. She was allowed to call and visit family, she has a dear friend she was allowed to see, and of course work.
Other than the things above she spent 90 days learning Viles way.
Rules a few at a time, protocols, again Viles way, learning in service. Learning how to be a host in an M’s home.

The first thing I did, was introduce her to friends I had within the community.
Why did I do this? She has been in two Bad D’s relationships prior to me.
I told her I had been in the lifestyle for more than 20 years. So not that I had anything to prove, I introduced her to very close friends who had known me , here in the local community. This was a way to validate myself. I am who I said I was.

Any Dominant who tells you he has been in the lifestyle for 20 years knows people in the lifestyle, and he should be more than willing to introduce you to his friends.
99% of the time he will be active in the local community, if he is not then something happened.
It does not take much for a Dominant to get a bad name, and once your shunned , there is really not much he can do as far as meeting new subs or slaves, unless it is Via Collarme or something.
That should be a bad sign if he tells you he has no friends in the local community.
I know and I know others who need that interaction. We need to be able to talk to our friends, someone we can relate to.

There are warning signs to look for, and many times you see them but you over look them because you think he could be the one.
Well! he is nit the one, because there are thousands of ones out there, and if you settle for less than what you need, your relationship will be short lived.

Many Dominants who have no real life experience will try to isolate you, because they are still in the insecure mode. The married Dominant will even more isolate you, because you are his fuck toy on the side.
These are also warning signs you need to look out for, keeping you isolated is where the abuse begins, and once it starts you are the only one who can stop it.

You are a submissive you have the right to question, more so you have the right to say no.

Remember everything is a negotiation , this is when you talk about your needs, what you expect out of the relationship, as well as your limits.
You want everything out on the table, so there are no surprises.

Now the most important issues. What are you going to get out of the relationship? If you are not living together , how much time will be devoted to you?
Is the relationship going to be one on one or he is Poly? That is a very important question, if you do not ask he may bring it up at a later date.

If you are asked a direct question then give a direct answer, and do not tell something someone wants to hear, be honest.
If you ask a direct question you expect a direct answer.

If your going to submit, you cannot submit on your terms, if you happen to find a Dom who will allow you to do this , then what kind of Dominant is he ?

Also it is not that you will not have any say , but your whole thought process will be different, you are now in the follow position. The Dominant will lead you will follow.

When you first meet asking the proper questions, and giving honest answers would prevent so much drama and heartache. Many for what ever reason are to intimidated to speak up. If the Dominant has caused this, then you need to step away before even meeting him, so there is no connection.

You cannot gain a connection over the internet alone, well it can be done if both are honest. The truth is we can be who ever we want to be, and make you believe most anything without even meeting.

Married Dominants, they do not want a relationship with you. You will never be able to experience what the D’s lifestyle is truly like. You will never get that one on one attention you need, he will never be available when you need him, but he has agreed to take care of you, he has agreed to be there for you. The truth is that will never happen.
He will never leave his wife, his home, his cars, nor his children, nor is he going to part with his money.
Why would he leave he has the best of both worlds? He has everything at home, and someone who will suck his cock on the side. The truth hurts huh?

In the lifestyle training is for the betterment of the submissive or slave.
You have to decide if you want to be part of a growing relationship, or just a piece of ass on the side that no one knows about. The dirty little secret you cannot even talk about, because your married Dom is afraid you will blow his cover.
Sitting at home on your couch, crying because you cannot get a reply to a text is no way to live.
He cannot text because he is having a cookout with his wife and kids.
The biggest myth is you are the only one he is seeing on the side, if you believe this then you are dumber than your Dom thinks you are already, and yes he thinks your Dumb, he thinks you can do no better, and he thinks you are wrapped around his fingers, and when you leave after a year or so he will find someone to take your place. You are not an asset and never will be.
He will keep you until you become either to needy, or a burden to him. Keep your cock sucker shut and things will go as he had planned

This is why it is very important when a Dominant says he wants to train you, you need to get clarification on what he means.

You have the right to explain your needs, and you need to be sure they are going to be met, before you enter the relationship, because once his lies start they are never ending.

Training is meant to be one on one with no interventions. You should be the Dominants main focus during this time.
Telling you that you are not allowed to cum is not training , and I will tell any Dom or Master face to face he is full of fucking shit.

You calling him Sir, Daddy, or Master, and in his mind he is calling you an idiot.

Does anyone know the Definition of the word CUNT?
Cant understand normal thinking.

Men fall under this category as well it is not only women, because I meet stupid everyday, and I meet a lot of CUNTS

If you stay focused you will go far, if you stick to your plan you will go far. If you stick to your goals in life you will go far. If you make sure your needs are met you will go far.

The only way you can be trained is through someone being consistent, consistency is the KEY.

Yours Truly
Vile

Collaring Your Property

A Dominant gets that feeling when he first meets a slave or submissive.
The entire time while in deep conversation we sit there in deep thought, it is almost like being in another world, a world of our own.

I sit and listen, while I am talking to myself, my mind in soaking everything in. The words, the facial expression’s, hand movements , posture, hair, makeup, jewelry , the way she is dressed. Yes even down to the hands and nails. The way she drinks, the way she picks up her silverware , the way she eats, the way she drinks, I am taking in all of this information, yes even the way she ask and answers questions.

When I met Arianna I knew within the first 10 minutes if it would be possible to build something, I knew a relationship was highly likely.

Yes while it is true the first thing I noticed was her beauty, perhaps the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She carried herself very well. Nicely dressed, very feminine, her hair was almost perfect, and just enough makeup. Her hands are small, her nails were done. That is one of the first things I look at when it comes to a female. Nails hands and feet, and no I do not have a foot fetish. It is a sign of how good they take care of themselves, and how much they care.

Remember I am looking for a relationship, not a fuck buddy, or a piece of ass on the side. I was not looking for someone to suck my cock when I was lonely.

Every question had a purpose, every answer had a purpose. If I asked a direct question, I wanted a direct answer. If I did not get one I would ask the question in a different way same meaning different question.

My questions were not even BDSM related, they were about life, hobbies, likes and dislikes, food, music, work, and of course health, such as anxiety and depression. I wanted to know Arianna inside out before we parted for the day.

As a Dominant you want to get to know the submissive or slave as a person. I want to know there is a compatibility factor coming into play. I want to know we are going to have more in common than just BDSM.

You can teach someone how to suck cock, you can teach someone how you like to fuck, that is the easy part.

Your goal as the Dominant is to become friends, you cannot do that in just one or two meetings.

As I am talking to Arianna, I was imagining the type of collar she would wear, how it would rest around her neck.

See I was looking at the whole picture not only the now but the then, way down the road. I was picturing the two of us together, being out. Long drives going to different places. The whole picture, if you just live in the now you never get anyplace.

I use the word Property because it means ownership. When you place a collar around someone’s neck you are taking possession, thus the word property comes into play.

Many use several different collars, the consideration collar, the training collar, and a few others. I do not use any of those for a couple of reasons.
The slave or submissive is already under a lot of stress. I cannot even imagine what is going through their mind. I believe when we use the different collars we are in fact setting someone up for failure, because if it does not work out, this will cause a crash. I do however use a collar of protection this is worn when going out in the public to different BDSM events, such as Munchs or MAsT.
So I suppose at times I make up my own protocols, but I am me and I am the manager of my team, as a matter of fact I own the team.

We as Dominants or Masters should provide all information upfront. We should set the pace as far as how the relationship is going to go.
Meaning your going to go into some of the things you are going to include in your training. The structure you are going to help with, the communication. I believe as a Master we should have an open door policy. We need to let our property speak freely and express their needs, and if they have any questions or concerns.
I explain everything in such detail so that when I am done there are no questions.

I never tell someone when training has started, I just begin, you start off with small steps. The last thing you want to do is give someone a brain overload.

That is the same with Rules, Rules are meant to improve ones daily life. Rules are meant to build one up, remember taking bad habits and making good ones.
It is my opinion rules should not have anything to do with sex, because your going to get anything you want as a Dominant or a Master.
Telling someone they cannot masturbate for 2 months is not a rule, that is an ego, and nothing more. Telling someone they cannot masturbate has nothing to do with improving someone’s daily life.

Once we agree to enter a D’s Or M’s relationship we are then taking full responsibly for that slave or submissive, we have then made a total commitment, we have giving our word we would be there for them and only them.

My way is not the only way, and I know this, but I can show you the simple steps you can take so you can avoid all the headaches.

A dead give away, a Dominant tries to give you a collar on the first meeting, or even the first week, the first month.
That is a sign of desperation on his part, or he just wants to use you. There are way to many men out there that use a collar as a fuck tool. When your offered a collar you are sitting on top of the world, In our lifestyle there is no greater honor. To wear a collar your Dominant has offered you.

What makes the collar more special is knowing you have earned it. You have completed the training, well the start of it because it never really ends, but you have gotten to the point, the Dominant knows he has done well, and you have responded well. Now he wants to take ownership.

The collaring is meant to be special, it is meant to be remembered. When you get married does he just hand you a ring and say okay put this on we are married? Yea not to much of a special thing going on there.

It can be private, or you may have guest come over. You can have another Dominant preform the ceremony. You have a lot of options.

The collaring should start off with a conversation. The Dominant. I would like for you to except my collar, and these are the reasons why. A very detailed conversation, on the two of you, how you have grown, where your at now in the relationship, but more important where you plan to be in the future.

If your sitting at a Denny’s meeting for the first time, and your New Dominant reaches in his pocket and pulls out this cheap fake leather collar and says here put this on. I would hope you would call him an idiot and get up and leave.

There is a courtship in any relationship, be it D’s , M’s or vanilla. There is a process that each one of you take. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it does not, but do not let yourself be taken advantage of.

You the submissive should sit down with your Dominant and pick out your collar. Remember this is a huge step, in your journey.
What type of collar can you wear on a daily basis. When I collared Arianna at our wedding, I made it clear once I put it on it would never come off, and she accepted that, and to this day it has been off one time so a jeweler could look to see if he could add a Diamond to it. She wears it 24/7 and yes even to work.
The funny thing is no one has ever questioned her about it, or even mentioned it, at work or just out.

You have earned the collar wear it with pride.

Vile

I Can’t Feel Sorry For You

I do try and give advice, the advice I give it from a males point of view. I am not here to lie to you , nor do I have a reason to lie. People lie because they have something to gain.
I do not even know you, so if you think about it I have zero anything to gain. Did that make sense ?
Why do I share with you? Because I do not want you to go through some of the things women have gone through with me in the past.
I have been on the predators side, I have been on the hunt for easy prey. I knew who and what to look for. I would use and use until I grew tired of you, or maybe I would just get tired of you being fucking needy, or your whining got on my nerves. Maybe I fed off of your self pity to get what I wanted, nah I did, but you can only eat so much, and the same old food gets tiring.
Just because I fucked you did not mean I liked you, just because I fucked you did not mean I wanted you around.

This is why it is important to ask questions, this is why there are people out here that will give you advice and good advice. It is up to you to decide if your going to listen, or your just going to take the ball and run.

What hurts is being lied to, what hurts more is being led on to believe something that will never happen or come to light.

You know when your sitting across the table talking if you are being lied to or not, or being fed a bunch of bull shit, you know this but there is something in your head that pushes the ignore button.

I blog because I want to share, I blog because it is an outlet, it is my place to come when I just want to get away. No one has ever seen me post anything that is negative about the way my life is going, or how fucked up my day is, or how fucked up my life is.

So why would you want to get on here and blog about how fucked up things are, after you have been told ? You asked others for their opinion, you asked for advice on what you should do, you did not listen, and then here we go with the poor me blog.

Everyone of you are better than that, everyone of you are smarter than that. Most of you have made some good friends on here, I know I have.

While it is true we want to know how your day is going, we want the awesome.

The reason Arianna never watches the news anymore is just because all there is , is bad news very little good.

You know what you want out of life, and you are all to good to settle for less.

BDSM in a D’s or M’s relationship for the most is a mind thing, getting in your head, once that happens, man it is so hard to break away.

I lost a good friend last month to suicide, very young a whole lot of life ahead of her, but for her it was easier to check out.

Hook up with a good friend stay with them and in a time of need pick up that phone. This is no game, and it is unfortunate there are those out there that do not care, if your here tomorrow or not.

Game plan you have to have a game plan going into a D’s or M’s relationship, if you do not have a plan, or any expectations you will fail. The question is how many years do you want to waste, how much time do you want to throw away on something your not sure about.

If you ask for advice, and most of the time you ask more than one person, because your first answer is not what you want to hear so you move from one to another hoping someone will say what you want to hear. The bad news is if they tell you what you want to hear, it may be bad advice..

If your in a bad relationship, you need to communicate, you also need to put your foot down and tell them you want a time limit on when things are going to be fixed, because if they are not, you are walking.

You have to ask yourself a few questions. Why am I doing thing? Why am I allowing me to put myself through this mess? Why am I allowing someone to use me?

You have to want to stand up for yourself, you have to have a need and a goal in life..

You Baby Girls out there. You should have goals, and your Daddy should be helping you reach those goals, that is what a Daddy Dom does.
He should support you no matter what you want to do. He should set goals for you, and make sure you stay on task.
Your Daddy is there to support you, not bring you down.

The problem that most of you have is your Daddy is married. I am not sure why this is the trend today. In the last 5 years or so there has been an explosion of Daddy Doms.

The bad news is, if your Daddy is a Doctor and he is married to a doctor, and you work at Wendy’s guess what? Yea you already know.
If your Daddy works at Wendy’s with you then your chances are good.

This is the game plan I was speaking about, Baby Girl, Submissive, or Slave, you got to have a plan, and you cannot get off track.
If you give in anything that you have hoped for in the future will be gone, and the ball is no longer in your court.

99% of our problems are self inflicting, the other 1% is shit that falls from the sky.
You have your plan and you stick to it. I cannot express enough how important it is to do things by the book no matter how much it sucks, by the book. You do what your suppose to and that 99% will begin to drop, until everything is going your way. I promise the math will work out.

Make sure your Dominant has a plan as well, and do not be afraid to ask what the plan is. It is very important you know everything up front….

Vile

Words And Submission

One thing I do during training is, I utilize what is called speaking in thirds. This is something that is common in the Gorean lifestyle.

To me speaking in thirds has a purpose, and the purpose is to make one focus, to think, to think before they speak.

The words tend to have more meaning, and the slave is able to explains things better if she has to think before speaking.

Speaking in thirds gives one a total different aspect of who and what they are, it is like a reminder, and it teaches self discipline.

Once I start training I use the technique for a couple of weeks or sometimes I will use as a form of punishment, again to make the slave think.

When a Dominant uses the word Train, it is good to ask what he hopes to get out of it, and how the training is going to benefit you ?

So the night before last we were laying in bed, I was watching shark week, Bah Humbug, and I get an email. Guess from who? Yup Arianna, I was like what but sometimes she is able to express herself better writing things down, or in an email , than talking sometimes and I do understand her reasoning.

Arianna was expressing interest in speech restriction, and using the term your property when addressing me.

Her reasoning was it would make her feel a deeper submission, not only speaking in thirds but using the word property.

Once you give up full control , and you learn to follow the rules, protocols, it becomes a habit, and when things are a habit there are times we do not even realize we are doing them.

That is how Arianna feels at times, everything just falls into place and she does not see her submission.

That is why I have said in the past it is very important for the Dominant to remain consistent on a daily basis. If you say something, then mean what you say. If you say your going to do something then do it.

Although I am not Gorean I do follow many of the protocols, and I am consistent.

I can also tell you what rules work for one does not work for another. It would be almost impossible for every slave or submissive to have the same rules.

What protocols, and rituals that worked for one will not work for another. Every Slave or sub is different, their habits are different, but more so their needs…

Behavior Modification, changing the way one thinks or acts, in public or private.  Changing ones thoughts, or how they view things.

This can be done, if the Dominant is true to the relationship , but just as I tell those who are submissive, I tell the Dominants the same thing. Be careful what you ask for.

The best way to kick off your training, is for both to be able to take a vacation, and no I am not joking. You have kinda like a 5 to 7 day mini boot camp.

Before you say anything Arianna has been there, and she can tell you that her changes have only been positive.  Being able to let your mind go, and just flow with your training, but truthfully training can only be successful if you trust the one your with.

So there are some who wish to move into a deeper submission, even after training, the training never really stops, it does continue and it is daily maintenance.

The changing of one word , yes that is all it takes, just as Arianna stated in her email.

Instead of using the word I, she wanted to use your slave, or this slave.

About a month ago , I instructed Arianna to use the words Thank You. Thank You for everything.

Thank you for letting me sit, shower, bathroom. After taking the first bite of food, Thank You.

This all falls under Behavior Modification, but you as the Dominant you need to remain consistent.

You know what I truly find disturbing is a Dominant who is not really a Dominant, but enters a relationship with a Baby Girl a Submissive, under false pretenses. Promising one thing but not being able to deliver.

The Dominant not thinking of the negative effects he is having on someones life, the damage that is being done, and playing with someones emotions.

Then it is clearly not the Submissive who is the problem, it is the Dominant who will put all the blame on the sub or baby girl because the relationship did not work. When in fact the Dominant either had no intentions of making things work, or he did not have a clue.

Changing one word, can change ones life.

Vile